Page 98 of The Grief We Hold

The line hurts, because I’ve been a good son-in-law to her. “I don’t need your approval. Would it be nice? Yeah. Because our lives have been entwined and Raven is a good fucking woman. But I don’t need it.”

“I told you she was trouble. Told you there was blood around the moon the night she arrived. She came running to you, just because I spoke with her.”

“For the record, it wasn’t Raven. You were overheard by a prospect on cleanup.” But a wave of sympathy hits me for a second. “I know it feels like your life is so out of control that youneed to rely on all the moon shit. But you’re entitled to a future too. You don’t have to stay here in grief, no family around you.”

She raises an eyebrow, the sneer unmissable. “I thought the Iron Outlaws would always be my family.”

And with that, my sympathy is gone. “It fucking is, until you disrespect us. You aren’t a member of the club. I am. You see the fucking patch, Ma. It saysI’msergeant at arms, not you. Came here to set some new boundaries with you, and you need to listen. First, Raven works at the diner for as long as she wants to because I say so. If it’s a toss-up between you and her, you go. You cause trouble, fire her or some shit, I’ll fire you. You do worse, and I’ll run you out of town.”

The words have the desired effect. Color drains from her face.

“You wouldn’t,” she whispers.

“Try me, Margie.”

At that, her eyes rim with tears. “Not ‘Ma?’”

I shake my head. “I think it’s probably best for both of us that we try a different dynamic. Look, you’ll always be Hallie’s mom. That’s the reason you’re getting a chance after trying to intimidate Raven.”

She looks down at her hands and spins her wedding ring on her finger. “I feel like you’re my last connection to her.”

The words are drenched in sadness. I lean back on the kitchen counter. “I understand that. But I can’t live the rest of my life alone to be the conduit to that. You need to make your own peace with her that isn’t through me. I’ll always be blessed I got to love her and have Lottie with her. I’ll never forget the two of them. But it’s time for me to make room for Raven and Fen.”

She finally meets my eyes. “I’ll apologize.”

I nod. “I meant what I said though. You’re entitled to a life. It’s up to you if you want to oversee the fixing up of this place or you want to take the money and sell up. I’ll take back my investment, but any profit is yours.”

Margie glances out the window. “Wouldn’t even know where to go. And what am I supposed to do? Get a job at a diner somewhere? I’ll make it up to Raven.”

“See that you do.”

I leave it there. I’ve said a lot. And when I step outside into the spring sunshine, I feel like I took the first step in cleaning house. A weight has been lifted off my chest as I give myself permission to move on.

Before I loaded up the truck to make this ride into town, I took down some of the photographs of Hallie and Lottie. I tried to look at my house through the lens of a woman I’m falling for. Taking down the first photograph was hard. But I flipped the narrative and considered how I’d feel in a house filled with pictures of Raven’s ex.

And I took Raven at her word. That I didn’t need to remove them all. I kept a couple of the most sentimental ones. Our wedding, Hallie in that beautiful dress. Lottie’s baptism. The Christmas before they were…

I sigh.

To fully move on, I’m going to need to sell this house. Raven and Fen and I deserve a new place that belongs to the three of us, one without complex memories attached to it, and I make a mental note to speak with a realtor about getting my property valued.

As I reach my truck, I see two bikes headed down Main Street. Grudge salutes as he and Catfish turn down by the hardware store. Quickly, I start up the truck and follow them over.

“Thanks for giving me a hand,” I say when I get there.

Grudge shrugs. “Nothing else to do. Plus, it’s fucking cute watching you bring your girl little treasures and shit.”

I flip him the bird and hammer on the door. “It’s me, Blue.”

“Blue?” Catfish mutters.

“The color of the highlights in her hair,” I say. And her eyes, but I don’t mention that part.

Grudge almost chokes on his cigarette. “We’re at the ‘noticing highlights’ stage of the relationship. You really are fucked.”

Fen opens the door. “Mom said I could come and let you in.”

“Thanks, kid. I got some stuff I need to bring up, but it’s going to take us a minute.”

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