Page 72 of The Grief We Hold

“There were a lot of police cars,” he says as he climbs in.

I kneel next to the tub. “There were. How do you feel about that?”

He reaches for my hand with his wet and soapy one. “I was scared you were hurt again.”

“Oh, sweetheart. I bet it was really scary to feel that way. I wasn’t hurt. Wraith made sure I was safe.”

I don’t tell Fen the details and pray he doesn’t ask.

“There was a lot of blood,” he says, looking up at the ceiling.

“There was. But it was all the bad guys’.” I know it’s a lie. But he’s too young to understand the nuance of what happened today. ‘Bad guys’ is a concept he can get his head around. And maybe it will help alleviate some of the shock and fear if he thinks ‘the bad guys’ are dead.

In truth, I have no idea who the good guys and bad guys were. I know what I want to believe, that Wraith is one of the good guys, but the reality of it could be murkier.

He nods. “Okay.”

“You have any more feelings you want to tell me?”

“The blood made me feel a bit sick. And I got blood on my clothes.”

I glance down at the outfit I sent him to kindergarten in laying in a pile by the toilet. It must be Wraith’s from when he carried him. “We can wash them. I’ll put them in the sink to soak overnight, and they’ll be good as new.”

And…shit. Blood transfer could mean transfer of diseases.

My heart thrashes in my chest as I panic. I’ll speak to Wraith about it.

Fen nods. “Will Wraith look after us?”

I stroke my little boy’s head, brushing the hair back off his face, trying to wrestle my own fears into submission. “Wraith is a good friend. But this isn’t his home. He’s going to get some supplies so I can take care of his boo-boos. And then we’ll eat some dinner. When he goes home, we’ll lock the doors tight and be safe and sound from the world.”

“Okay,” he says, but I can hear the caution in his voice.

It takes another ten minutes to finish up his bath and get him into clean pajamas.

“Go read a book,” I say, then go and find Wraith sitting at one of the chairs at the small table. It’s too small for his large frame. I wonder if I’m liable to the landlord if it breaks beneath him.

“You should get in the shower next,” I say.

“Not gonna happen,” he says.

“But you’re still bleeding and I…”

He stands and strides towards me. “We don’t know each other very well, yet. But there’s no way I’m seeking my comfort until I know you and Fen are both taken care of. You can patch me up to your heart’s content…once you’re showered and not shaking anymore, yeah?”

I stare at him, unused to the warmth of feeling…cared for.

He leans in, placing his lips close to my ear. “But, for the record, if Fen weren’t here, I’d be suggesting we shower together.” He stands up tall and winks.

And I melt…again.

“Wraith,” I say quietly.

He tips his head in the direction of the shower. “Go get cleaned up, Blue.”

I do as he says, savoring the heat of the hot water as it sluices over my body. The pressure is pathetic, but I don’t notice because I’m still thinking about the way his breath whispered across my ear.

About the way it would have felt to have our wet bodies meet.

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