Page 44 of The Grief We Hold

“Raven? My room, with Ember. She’s gonna be safe there, right?”

Butcher shrugs. “We’ll all be too busy to pay her any attention.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Butcher starts to walk away, but I grab his shoulder to stop him. “I’m serious, Butch. What the fuck is that meant to mean?”

“It means we’ll all be too fucking busy to look out for her because a shit ton of armed Bratva could be headed our way. If she wants to be here, she needs to find her own way to exist because I’m not her fucking nanny.”

“Not asking you to nanny her. Just asking for a bit of backup, should I need it, as to why she’s here.”

Butcher rolls his eyes. “Wraith, you can’t even explain it to yourself why she’s here. Hardly grounds for me to stick my neck out for you or her.”

“Fine. But stop treating her like she doesn’t matter. It’s irritating the fuck out of me.”

“Then claim her and show the rest of us that she does.” He stares me down for a second.

“It’s not that easy, Butch. It’s?—”

He doesn’t wait for the rest of the answer before he walks off in the direction of the armory, likely to talk with Atom.

“Fuck,” I mutter.

“That went well,” Smoke says. “Are you sure you want to piss Prez off just before we lock up with him for fuck knows how long?”

For the first time in my life, I realize I don’t even want to be at the clubhouse, followed swiftly by the thought that Raven andI should have holed up in her apartment. Could have barricaded that door and defended from the top of the stairs.

The idea of just the two of us in that shithole of an apartment being better than here with my brothers is wild, and yet…

“Not really, but I couldn’t leave Raven alone. Not after…”

Not after I rode ahead to the club picnic on the Fourth of July because Lottie was fussing that morning, and four members of the Midtown Rebels went into my house looking for me and killed my wife and daughter.

I don’t need to say the rest to Smoke. He knows what happened next. He knows how Tanner, a fucking police officer who hated the fact he was never able to pin me down, was overheard telling the assassins where my home was.

Tanner swore in his testimony they said they were friends, and from their dress and cuts and bikes, had no reason to believe they weren’t. But a cop knows how to read rockers on cuts, so I never bought it. I don’t trust a single fucker in the town now to not point out those who are important to me to people who would hurt them.

While we were all at Lottie and Hallie’s funeral, two men beat the shit out of Tanner. The man was in the hospital for three weeks. Butcher arranged it because he didn’t want me to go to prison for doing it myself. Which is why Butcher’s refusal to accept my confusion about Raven seems so fucking unfair.

“Butcher will come around if you stay focused on the lockdown. It’s gonna be a long night.”

It takes me five minutes to block out time and people. I try to pair us up with prospects who complement us. Smoke has eyes like a hawk, so I partner him with Will, who is a crack shot with a rifle.

I put myself with one of the newer prospects, Josh. Never met a guy capable of being so still in my life. He has the patience to watch while I stalk.

When it’s done, I send it out to everyone on the emergency group chat we have. From there, I head to the armory.

“You brought Raven to lockdown?” Atom asks when the door to the armory closes behind me.

“Don’t know what I was thinking.”

Atom puts down the ammo he was loading. “Yeah, you do. But you don’t need to say the quiet parts out loud to me. People are talking.”

While his words are true, they annoy me. “Let ‘em fucking talk. Even I don’t know what this is, so they sure as fuck don’t know what’s going on between us.”

Atom shoves the crate of ammo at me. “I find fucking them senseless is a good way of coming to your senses. Easy to determine who’s a cum-bucket and who might be more.”

I put the crate back where it belongs on the shelf. “With life lessons like that, I wonder why you’re single.”

“Hey. I’m just panning for gold out here, like everyone else.”

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