Page 21 of The Grief We Hold

“Still haven’t levelled that trail up here, I see,” King says once he’s removed his helmet and pushed his dark hair off his face. Dust and dirt cover his jeans after days on the road. “Can still feel the vibration through my bones.”

“We know how to ride it. How to avoid the divots and loose gravel.” Butcher steps up to hug him when he climbs off his bike. “We cowboys aren’t as pampered as you city bikers. Plus, it works as an early-warning system.”

I step forward and meet my counterpart, Spark. The guy was always reserved, but when I reach him, I see a smile and a wedding ring. Gone is the haunted look in his eyes after wrestling with PTSD from his time in Afghanistan. “Heard you got married.” It almost chokes me to say anything. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” He grins as he climbs off his bike. “Got a kid now too. Little boy. Hard to get on the bike and leave them both behind, but good for the soul to hit the road.”

There’s a sting when it comes to sharing the joy others have in their families and children. A birth announcement. A home run in little league. A family Christmas card with kids who change and grow every year.

I won’t get to do any of that with Lottie. Everything she was ever going to do on this earth has already been done.

Including destroying my heart.

Doesn’t mean I’m not happy for others. I am. It’s just harder to find the words.

“Fuck’s sake,” Niro says. There’s a little metallic pin of a pink cupcake on his cut, which seems out of character for the guy who single-handedly took out four bikers from a rival club at Sturgis three years ago. “Don’t let him start showing you pictures. We’ll be here all day, and I need a drink.”

Grudge gestures the rest of the group to the clubhouse. “Well, let’s get inside and make that happen.”

Atom throws an arm over Bates, the New Jersey Outlaws’ enforcer. Fucker is as good looking as Catfish is. “How’s the new baby?”

Bates grins. “Brooke is doing great. Had a few hurdles with Avery, my eldest, though.”

“What happened?” Smoke asks.

“Avery packed a bag and ran away from home to live with me,” Niro says. The man looks proud as fucking punch when he speaks.

Not sure I’d let my kid go live with the walking wildcard.

Bates flips him the bird. “She didn’t want to share me with another baby. She figured Uncle Colton didn’t have any kids, so she’d go live with him and Catalina instead.”

Halo nudges both Bates and Niro toward the door. “You two practically raise that kid together anyway. And Cupcake is already back home where she belongs.”

“Cupcake?” Catfish asks.

Niro taps his pin. “Avery’s my niece. She’s gonna start her own women-only MC. So, I gave her a road name.”

“What the fuck?” Butcher says. “We’re encouraging girls to start clubs? Next thing, they’ll be wanting to ride with us.”

Niro’s eyes narrow. “I’m married to one whodoesride with us and could land your fucking club on its ass.”

Butcher laughs as King steps between the two of them. “Niro, Butcher didn’t mean Cat any disrespect. Butcher, best if you apologize. We don’t need two days of Niro being any more pissed than he is at having to leave her at home.”

“Didn’t say anything I don’t stand by.” Butcher eyes Niro carefully but knows he has no choice. King is the president of presidents. What he says is law. “But didn’t mean to disrespect your old lady.”

The tension drops from Niro’s shoulders almost as quickly as it rose. “Good, then I won’t need to kill anyone before dinner.”

I chuckle at that, but it’s interesting to see how King seems protective of Niro. The last time they all visited was over two years ago, and I could have sworn King was ready to kill Niro himself.

“No Switch this trip?” Smoke asks.

Vex, the wizard of a tech guy who protects the Outlaws, shakes his head. “Wanted to. But he was badly injured, still recovering. Too far of a ride for now. Kind of envy him, though. He’s fucked off with his wife to someplace hotter and sunnier than this.”

We make our way into the clubhouse, and once everyone has a beer, we head into church.

Butcher gives up his seat at the head of the table to King. The room is crowded, anchored around the large table milled from two giant slabs of solid American black walnut.

It takes a minute for everyone other than King to figure out where they now sit given all the extra chairs. But like positions sit next to like. And Saint and Vex sit next to each other

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