Page 16 of The Grief We Hold

Fuck, I miss the sound of her voice sometimes. Like when she was laughing at some surly thing I said. Playfully scolding me in a way I couldn’t help but melt over.

It takes me fifteen minutes to get the supplies I need and grab the food from Ma.

I let myself in to Raven’s apartment, and when I get there, she is fast asleep again, and Fen is sitting coloring a picture at the table.

“Kid,” I say, putting the bags on the small strip of counter in what I guess you’d call the kitchen.

“Wraith.” He doesn’t even look up, but his little tongue pokes out as he concentrates.

“What are you drawing?”

Finally, he holds up the drawing to me. “It’s your truck.”

I can see the blocky outline. In the rear window is a little stick figure waving, which I assume is Fen. There’s a man in black in the front with frown lines, which has to be me. And I have to bite back a smile. “Is the yellow your mom?”

He grins mischievously. “Yeah. When she was puking.”

“I’m sure she’ll love it.”

He shakes his head. “It’s for you. To say thank you. How do you spell your name?”

“W-R-A-I-T-H.”

I follow his hand as he writes every letter. Thehis backwards. “I just need to finish coloring the truck.”

“Maybe go get changed out of those wet clothes first while I serve up dinner.”

“Okay. I’ll put my pajamas on. Momma doesn’t like it when I waste clean clothes that will need washing.”

I search in the cupboards and find a plate before serving up a generous portion of the lasagna. “Where’s the cutlery, kid?” I ask when he returns and sits at the table.

He points to the cupboard. “In a cup up there.”

I find a small jug with two forks, knives, and spoons that match the ones from the diner. It’s hard to wrestle down the emotions that the two of them shouldn’t be living like this. Something tells me Raven is doing her best, but it shouldn’t be this. The club does a lot of charity drives for the community, and I’m wondering if we couldn’t send a little Outlaw charity Raven’s way.

Make it the club’s problem…not mine.

“There you go,” I say finally when I place the food and cutlery in front of him.

When Fen returns in little green pajamas that have jungle animals on them, he looks over his shoulder at his mom. I notice he’s placed a hoodie over her so she’ll be warm. “Will you stay and eat with me?”

I look at the time. “It’s a little early for me, but you enjoy it.”

His face falls. “But what if I need help cutting it?”

I take the knife and fork from him and cut it the best way I know how to make the lasagna easier to eat. “There you go.”

His face brightens as he tucks in. I can’t help but think of Lottie. The way she’d wiggle in her seat when she saw a spoonful of just about anything except carrots coming her way.

Before I leave, I walk over to where Raven is seated on the recliner. I don’t know what makes me reach out and touch her hair, but it’s as smooth as I thought it would be. Probably a delight to wrap around my fist and yank her head back while I fucked her from behind too.

Ugh, I’m obviously losing my mind to have those kinds of thoughts while the woman’s kid is sitting right there eating his dinner while coloring a picture of my truck.

Raven wakes with a start, too quickly for me to snatch my hand away.

“Was checking whether you had a fever.”

She glances around the room, her eyes scanning quickly until she sees Fen, and finally relaxes. “What are you doing in here? I thought you left.”

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