Page 15 of The Grief We Hold

Using my boot, I kick the door closed and head to her apartment. She rouses a little halfway there. “What are you…?”

Her words are slurred, like she’s had too much to drink.

Has she? Is that why she’s puking on the sidewalk at four in the afternoon?

I don’t smell any alcohol on her breath.

“Just getting you inside.”

She doesn’t fight me, and if I allow myself to be human for a second, she feels good in my arms.

Light as a feather.

Warm as she snuggles up against me, half-asleep.

Hallie was tall, had a fuller figure, one I wasn’t scared of breaking. Raven is tiny.

But I like it.

I shake my head to clear the comparison.

Then I take the stairs carefully, turning slightly sideways to make it to the top without banging her head against the wall. Once we’re up there, I put her down and hold onto her until she is steady. Then I help remove her coat.

“Wraith,” she says breathily, and the way my name sounds from her mouth makes me feel a little funny. I’ve heard it said a million times over the years, but only one other person was able to say it in a way that reached past the biker to the man.

“Can you get me a towel, kid?”

Fen runs to the bathroom and returns with one. I run it over her face and through her hair, trying to bury the need I feel to take care of her.

Which is when I take in just how shitty the apartment is. There’s barely any furniture, only one armchair to speak of, and a mattress on the floor in the bedroom.

The whole place is spotlessly tidy. And there’s a small stack of books and paper and crayons that I assume are Fen’s.

“Take a seat,” I say, leading her to the reclining armchair. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Wraith, you don’t need?—”

“Stop talking, Raven.” I head out of the apartment, taking the key with me, and walk to Ma’s place.

“Axel,” she says. “What can I get you?”

“I need takeout for two. Something for Raven and her kid.”

Her eyebrows rise and almost hit her forehead.

“Not like that. Found her puking on the side of the street. Guess there’s something doing the rounds.”

Ma huffs. “Sue got it too. Probably gave it to one another.”

“You got any of that chicken noodle on the menu today?”

Ma stares at me for an extra second. “As fortune has it, yes. I’ll give the kid a lasagna or something. Give me five to see what’s ready to go.”

“I’m just gonna go to the pharmacy and pick up some things.” I put my hand on the door to pull it open. “Did you know how shitty that apartment is?”

Ma nods. “Bare bones is what I heard.”

As I walk across the street to the pharmacy, I think about all the shit in my garage. Hallie loved fixing up old furniture. Stripping it, staining it, painting it, repurposing it. Some stuff she sold. Some she kept. It wasn’t about making money because my life as an Outlaw has always brought in more than enough. She said it gave her a purpose of her own.

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