Page 16 of Sensual Nights

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Carley stared at Mason for a long time. "Are you alright, Mason? Is anything wrong? Did I do something?"

"No," he interrupted her. "No, you didn't do anything wrong." He rolled his head on his shoulders. "Hey, I'm sorry I kissed you. I shouldn't have done that."

Her heart dropped. He shouldn't have done that? She thought it was fantastic. "Why? Why shouldn't you have done it? I wanted you to kiss me."

She saw him swallow and step back a little, but she reached forward and grabbed his hands in hers. "Why, Mason?"

He swallowed. He tried looking over her head, but she stood on her toes and then he tried looking down and she bent her knees and looked into his eyes from below.

"Tell me."

He hesitated. She could see him struggling. It was clear he wanted to say something but was afraid or nervous about it.

"Is it because you have PTSD?"

His eyes flicked to hers quickly. "How do you know that?"

She let out a little breath. Her fingers squeezed his hands gently just to comfort him. "Mason, my sister is married to JaceMarriott. I know that Jace only hires veterans, and I know that most of the veterans he hires have PTSD or other issues that they've encountered or developed because of their time in the service. I admire Jace for hiring only veterans and I admire you and all of the veterans everywhere who have served to make our lives better. I don't think anything less of you."

She saw him swallow and take a deep breath. "You don't understand, Carley."

"I do understand. I mean maybe not in the way that you've experienced it, but I do understand."

"No, you don't. You don't understand what it's like with me. I have nightmares. I have panic attacks. I freeze up and I never know when it's gonna happen and it's stupid little things that can make... can trigger me."

She took a step toward him, still hanging on to his hands. Oh, she felt so bad for him. No one should feel less than they should, because they dealt with something that others didn't. Certainly not someone who's served their country and has developed PTSD because of the horrible things that they'd seen or in some cases, done.

"Mason, I was in the Sandbar with Margo when you had a panic attack. Jace ran over to help you through it. I actually think it was what made Margo soften to Jace. She thought he was a cad before that, but then she saw how he cared, how he helped you, and she realized he wasn't what she had thought of him at all. Your attack didn't stop me from liking you and it didn't stop me from wanting to get to know you better. It didn't stop me from wanting to kiss you."

He turned his head, removed one of his hands from hers, and scraped it through his hair. She could tell he was torn. She was too. I mean, how bad was it that he was afraid to even enter a relationship with her? She wasn't gonna back away. How badcould it be? She couldn't think of anything that would be worse than not trying to live your life.

And then she wondered, and her stomach twisted. "Do you just not want to be with me because of, well I mean, I can't even think of what it might be, but maybe you just aren't interested in me at all and you're trying to let me down easy?"

He huffed out a breath. "No, no that's not it at all. I don't even know what to say." He swallowed. "I just...I just don't want to get involved and then have you decide that you just can't deal with me. I think that would be worse than anything. To get deeply involved and find out that I'm so damaged you wouldn't want to be with me. I'm letting you off the hook, so we don't go down that road."

She could have cried. Tears actually formed in her eyes, and she blinked rapidly. She didn't know what he was feeling, but that just hurt.

She swallowed a couple of times to calm herself, sniffed a little bit, then blinked rapidly to try and dry the tears. "Do you think I'm shallow and wouldn't want to be with someone because you have nightmares or issues? Maybe I would be able to help you."

He opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head. "Maybe I couldn't help you, but do you think I'm perfect? I'm not perfect. Good Lord. I have..." She inhaled, "I have dealt with lazy. I have dealt with abusive. I have dealt with working my fingers to the bone for someone who didn't appreciate anything. That's not to say that I think that you are any of those, but what I am trying to say is that I didn't leave them right away just because they were different or lazy. I probably should have, but I didn't. What I always tried to do was look for the best in them, and if you ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you the same thing."

He looked at her and squared his shoulders. "You see that's the thing. I don't want you to have to deal with or struggle with anything with me because you feel as though you are committed in some way. Do you understand that? Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Well, she couldn't stop them. The tears flowed from her eyes. She swallowed and sniffed a few times. "Well, what I'm saying, Mason Thompson, is that I don't give up, and I think you're worthy. I think you're worth maybe a sleepless night or two. So what? You have panic attacks. Can't we take it slow? Can't we just get to know each other? A few dates? Dinners out? A movie? Go listen to the music when you're not working? Do something to just see if we even like being together? I mean, hell, maybe I won't like you because you can't sing."

"I can sing."

"Well, I don't know that."

"I mean, I don't sing a lot. I'm not a professional."

"Well, I'd like to know that. Sing for me."

He chuckled. "I'm not singing now."

"See maybe you can't. Maybe you snore."

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