Page 95 of From Now On

Once we’ve paid, we move down to the end of the counter, past the whistling espresso machine.

Thankfully, my drink is ready first. I grab one of the paper sleeves and slide it around the cup. “I’ll see you?—”

“Can we talk, Eve? Just for a minute.”

“I have an essay to write…” I hedge.

“It won’t take long. I promise.”

In the time I hesitate, Ben’s drink arrives. He swipes it off the counter, shoots me a pleading look, and heads toward an empty table.

I sigh and follow him. Take a seat. Cross my legs. Tap my foot against the side of my backpack, fighting the urge to stand and hustle out of here.

Ben’s tearing open a sugar packet and pouring it in slowly.

“So…what’s up?” I ask, hoping to hurry things along.

Ben exhales and snaps his lid on before he leans forward. “All right. Here it is. I, uh, I had sex with Rowan over spring break.”

I stare at him, totally taken aback. A hundred tries, and I wouldn’t have guessed those were going to be the next words out of Ben’s mouth.

The longer I stay silent, the more color leeches from his face.

“Say something, Eve. Please.”

“I—I don’t know what to say,” I admit.

Ben rubs at his face with the palm not cupped around his coffee. “I’msosorry.”

More words finally form. “You don’t need to apologize. We’re not together. You didn’t cheat.”

“It felt like cheating.”

I say nothing. I didn’t feel like I was cheating when I kissed Finn. Or when I repeatedly checked Hunter out. Does that make me a terrible person? Did my father’s abandonment break something in me, so that I move on too quickly in other relationships to avoid attachment or disappointment?

Maybe I’m listening to too many psychology podcasts. That’s what I would have majored in, if not art.

Ben rests his elbows on the table. “It was my last night at home. You hadn’t responded to my texts and we were both drinking and it just…happened.”

“Ireallydon’t need details, Ben.”

He winces. “Yeah. Right. I just—I wanted you to know it wasn’t planned. And it didn’t mean anything.”

I scoff at that. “Of course it meant something. She’s your best friend.”

“I—I know. But I’ve never thought of her that way. I swear. When we were together, I never even considered?—”

“We’renottogether, Ben.”

“That’s your choice. Not mine.”

My spine stiffens. “‘I’m not sure we’re forever.’ Your words. Not mine.”

Another wince. “I didn’t mean it, Eve. I was worried about how you were going to react to me moving home, and I just—it came out all wrong. I already told you that.”

“I don’t care how it came out. It did, and we’re done.”

Ben looks down at the table. “You don’t miss…us?”

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