Page 51 of From Now On

He laughs again, cheeks still stretched in a wide smile. “Right. So, no. Surf lessons aren’t my move either.”

I swallow the bizarre urge to ask him to stop grinning at me. It feels…superficial, like he’s smiling just to smile and it doesn’t have anything to do withme.

“What’s your move, then?” I ask.

Rather than reply, Finn kisses me.

It’s…nice. His lips are a little chapped, but warm. He tastes like lime and salt and still smells like the ocean.

But kissing him is like drinking water. Like reality trickling in and ruining the fantasy. The tease of his tongue and the ridge of his erection against my stomach feel distant, somehow. There’s no answering pulse of heat. It’s like I’m watching a pair of strangers kiss in a movie, not experiencing any sensations firsthand.

Iamnumb.

Finn pulls back a few inches and smiles again. His eyes are half-lidded, his expression a little dopey. “Wanna get out of here?”

I swallow hard, then shake my head.

He groans quietly. “You’re killing me, gorgeous.Thatmove always works.”

A laugh spills out.

Finn’s grin grows. “That’s more like it.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, then mentally chastise myself for apologizing. I don’t owe him anything. “I just—I just got out of a serious relationship, and I’m not ready to move on—that way—yet.”

Finn stops smiling, but he doesn’t look that upset. He nods. “I get it. Love’s complicated. He’s clearly not over you either.”

I frown at him, then glance around like Ben could have possibly appeared inside Sand Bar in the past few minutes. “What? Who?”

“The blond dude who’s looked like he wants to punch me all night. That’s your ex, right?”

Hunter, I realize. Finn’s talking about Hunter.

My eyes seek him out as soon as I think his name. Hunter’s head isn’t turned this way. He’s saying something that has Rylan laughing so hard she’s covering her face with her hands. I’m immediately hit by a pang of envy that leaves me breathless. I could be sitting at that table, talking to Hunter. Listening to whatever he said that was so funny. Glimpsing another one of his rare smiles. What am I doing over here, proving I can still flirt and considering having sex with a stranger I’ll never see again?

Reluctantly, my gaze leaves Hunter and returns to Finn. “Uh, no. He’s not my ex. He’s just…we’re friends.”

Are we friends?I’m not really sure. I don’t know if I can handle being friends with Hunter, since he’s the one person I seem incapable of staying numb around. He makes mefeel, and that sounds like a good thing. It can be a scary and unpleasant thing too. And the more I get used to being around Hunter—to him offering to carry my bag or asking me questions about my favorite podcast between episodes—the more I’ll mourn his absence. In my experience, loss hurts a little less when you expect it.

“Well, your ‘friend’ wants to fuck you, gorgeous,” Finn comments. “Not that I blame him.”

He winks—the guy’s as drunk as I am, I guess. No way is he reading Hunter right.

Finn grabs a pen from a signed receipt off the nearest table and scrawls a series of numbers on my palm. “In case you change your mind.”

I watch him walk back toward Hurley and Julian. I’ve already been replaced. There are two other girls doing shots with the group of guys and lapping up their generous attention.

My phone buzzes in my pocket again, but I don’t pull it out. It’s either my mom or Ben, and I don’t feel like hearing from either of them.

I relax against the wall and blow out a long, unsteady breath, wondering what it’s like to feel prioritized and irreplaceable and hoping, one day, I’ll find out.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

HUNTER

As soon as we step outside of the bar, Eve recoils. “What’s that smell?” she asks, sounding aghast.

“California,” Aidan proclaims proudly. “You see, when it’s not raining all the time, you can really smell the sea?—”

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