Page 114 of From Now On

“Home,” he answers simply.

Last I knew, he was renting an apartment a town over from Casper. But I say, “And where’s that?” because I’m not even sure if he still lives there.

“I didn’t call you so that you’d call Dad, Hunter.”

“Then why did you call?”

“Just to say hi,” he tells me cheerfully.

“You called to say hi in the middle of the night, while you’rehigh? What the fuck, Sean?”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up any other time.”

Because he only ever calls me when he’s high.

“I always pick up. I always fuckingpick up. And then I have to call Dad, wake him up and worry him, just so that I know you’re not lying in a ditch somewhere with a needle in your arm!”

There’s a pause. Then, “I stopped doing heroin.”

I scoff. Rake a hand through my hair. “But you kept doing something else. You have no fucking clue what it’s been like, Sean. For me. For Mom and Dad. How fucking selfish can you be, putting us through the same shit over and over and over again?”

My brother is silent as I rant.

I nevertalkduring these brief conversations. They’re mostly me asking questions, trying to assess what’s happening and how I should respond before he hangs up. But if Sean is telling the truth about being home—and I’m choosing to believe him because I don’t know what else to do at this point—then he doesn’t need to be dragged out of some shady situation. He’s not on the cusp of another poor decision he needs to be pulled away from. He’s as safe as he can be in one of these situations, and I finally have the opportunity to speak.

Or maybe I’ve just given up on rescuing him.

“Don’t fucking call me high again.”

I toss my phone onto the cushion next to me without bothering to hang up, breathing heavily. My heart is pounding like I just got back from a hard run.

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I release a long exhale. My eyes feel hot; my throat thick.

“Are you okay?”

My head snaps up. Eve’s hovering at the end of the hallway, the heel of one foot propped against her ankle casually, like she’s prepared to stand in that spot for a while.

“Not really,” I answer honestly.

She nods like that was the response she expected.

And oddly, that’s the reaction I wanted. I’m accustomed to always being the guy people expect to be okay. I’m on time and I’m prepared and I’m capable and I don’t fall apart. It’s freeing to admit that’s not always the case. And even more of a relief not to have the exposure of cracks be met with surprise that they exist.

“Want some tea?” Eve asks.

“Uh, sure.”

She nods, then disappears into the kitchen. I collapse back against the soft pillows, glancing at my phone. It landed screen down, so I flip it over. The call has ended.

Sean hung up.

I thought going off on him would make me feel better. But I don’t. I feel worse, actually.

Eve returns a minute later, carrying two steaming mugs. She passes me one that smells like peppermint.

“Thank you,” I tell her.

“No problem.” She sits, cross-legged, on the opposite side of the couch, leaving a couple of feet between us. Blows on her tea. “Woke up and thought maybe you snuck out on me.”

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