Page 133 of From Now On

I play with the spiral of my sketchbook. “I thought it was silly. Who has one conversation with a guy and then gets butterflies around him for the next four years? It was like admiring a movie star. The chance of it ever happening seemed so unrealistic. It was just a fun fantasy to think about sometimes. But then, you and Conor started dating, and Ben and I broke up, and he was there over spring break, and?—”

“Did something happen over spring break?”

“No. But I said something about freshman year and then he told me he remembered it too and then there was this moment in the hot tub when he told me he wasn’t dating Holly and?—”

“Wait, wait.” Harlow flaps her hands at me. “When were you guys in the hot tub? I thought you forgot a suit?”

I sink down on the couch and cover my face with my hands. “It was late at night. And forget the hot tub. Now I?—”

Harlow’s phone starts buzzing in its spot on the coffee table where I set it after stealing it. Conor, again.

She glances at her vibrating phone, then at me. “You don’t want me to tell Conor about you and Hunter?”

I bite the inside of my cheek. “Uh, not exactly. I didn’t want Conor to tellyouabout me and Hunter. Not before I did, at least.”

She lifts her eyebrows again, waiting for more of an explanation.

“He, uh, saw me walk out of the bathroom this morning.”

Harlow tilts her head. “I thought you said this happened Friday night.”

“Yeah. It did. And then it happenedagainlast night.”

She smirks. “Get it, girl.”

I smile, then admit, “I don’t know what to do now.”

Instantly, Harlow’s expression shifts to her protective, pissed-off one. “Did he do something?”

“No. It’s whatIdid. Or didn’t do, maybe. I don’t know.”

She frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“After Conor and Aidan saw us this morning, it was a little weird. No one else knew about us, before, and it was…I don’t know. I could just enjoy it, and not think about what anything meant. But then I started thinking, and I… I don’t know. I freaked out a little. It feels like this thing with Hunter has been coming for a long time, but it also feels like this whirlwind and graduation is coming and I’m just…overwhelmed. He’sveryoverwhelming. When I’m with him, everything else matters less.”

“That’s not a bad thing, E.”

“I know it’s not. It’s just…scary.” I chew on the inside of my cheek. “I don’t know how he feels. Ifhewants a relationship.”

I think I finally understand why it’s calledfalling in love. Because a lot of it is outside of your control, governed by conjectural forces like chemistry and chance. But there’s also a moment when youjump, I’m learning. When you make a conscious choice to pursue love and risk heartbreak. I’m standing at those crossroads now, realizing I’ve never jumped before.

“Ask him,” Harlow suggests, sounding like she’s trying very hard not to add aduhat the end.

I roll my eyes. “You know that’s easier said than done.”

“Yeah, I do. But I also promise you it’s better than not knowing.” She nudges my knee. “I’m going to make some dinner, because I have a feeling all you’ve eaten today is donuts. And then, we’re getting dressed and going out.”

Harlow stands and heads for the kitchen.

“Going out where?” I call after her.

“You’ll see!” she shouts back.

I glance at Hunter’s number again. I’d rather talk to him in person.

After Harlow’s mysterious destination, I’ll ask her to drop me at his house, I decide.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

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