Page 174 of False God

“Really?” I’m thrilled for him.

“Really,” he confirms. “I don’t know if it’ll be possible, with the time I took off. They’ll be more lenient because of the circumstances and because …”

“Because of your title,” I supply.

He nods. “Yes. I don’t know how an … American school would compare, but I’m planning to look into it.”

“Please don’t.”

Hurt flashes across his face before he works to erase it.

I undo my seat belt and lean closer. “That’s not—I didn’t mean it that way. I mean, I don’t know if I’ll be in New York. In the US even. If you want to go back to medical school, you should do it here. Blythe is here, and your grandmother is here, and I … I could be here. I don’t want to give up my job, and I want to keep choosing projects that excite me. Not all of those will be in England. But … some could be.”

He appears stunned. Apparently, the possibility I’d alter my life around him never occurred to Charlie. He was planning to be the one making the geographic concessions. “You would do that?”

I nod. “Yeah, I would.”

“I love you, Lili.”

Those four words upend my world. Everything that makes me,me, is tossed up and forced to resettle. My racing heart slows, and so do my surroundings. The world is a blur of light and color and noise, but I can’t see or hear any of it. It’s like I’m trapped underwater, with nothing but that sentence echoing in my ears.

“What?” I croak out.

I wasn’t expecting him to say it. I didn’t even think he felt it.

His smile is tender as he reaches out and tucks a wayward strand of hair behind one ear. “I love you, Elizabeth Kensington. I’ve loved you for a long time, maybe from that first moment I saw you standing in a stable. I saw you, and it was like the entire world stopped. What you overheard me say to Ellis? That wasn’t just because I was sad about my father or stressed about money. It was because I’d been looking for you inside, because I wanted to talk to you again, and you were nowhere to be found. I was disappointed that none of the women who kept trying to talk to me were you.”

For the second time, I start crying in front of him.

I held it together in the hospital until he left the room. I don’t hold it together now. I fall apart, knowing he’ll catch the pieces.

Charlie brushes the tears away with his thumbs. “I almost told you last night, but I didn’t want you to think … I want you to feel safe with me, Lili. But I don’t want to hold you back. If living here, even part-time, isn’t what you want—if I’m not who you want—that’s okay. I just needed to tell you. Life is fucking short, and I wanted you to hear it.”

He glances at the clock on the dashboard, and I do too. If I don’t hurry, I’m going to miss my plane.

“I’ll get your bags out of the boot.”

His thumb brushes my cheek one last time, and then Charlie opens his door and climbs out.

I sniff, the shock starting to fade.

When I step out of the car, an airplane attendant is already wheeling my luggage away.

Charlie gathers me into his arms, then brushes a light kiss over my lips. “Let me know when you land, okay?”

He seriously thinks I’m going to just walk away after what he just told me.

Truly thinks there’s a world in which I’m not devastatingly in love with him.

When he tries to pull away, I don’t let him. I fist the fabric of his shirt so tightly that my knuckles protest.

“I love you, Charlie. So fucking much. It absolutely terrifies me how much I love you. How my life felt perfectly full until you walked off when Chloe called me and how I’ve thought about you ever since. How you’re the person I want when I’m happy or hurt or scared or … always. I want you always. And I’ll wait, however long it takes for you to sort things out, because I don’t want anyone else.”

I kiss him hard, then hurry toward the automatic doors.

42

My mother looks shocked to discover me standing on her doorstep.

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