Page 166 of False God

It’s more than that though. I’m finally looking ahead. Weighing possibilities. Considering options.Dreaming, and it feels damn good.

An invisible weight that’s gradually lifting, and maybe it’s visible to others too.

“You too,” I tell him.

Louis sighs. “Poppy has banned all my favorite things from the house. Says they’re bad for my health.”

That explains the cigarsandthe scotch. He’s taking full advantage of his time here.

“Aren’t they?”

Louis frowns, then snuffs out the cigar. “Spoken like a future doctor.”

I think of the business card tucked in my wallet. I haven’t called Dr. Evans since I ran into him at Buckleby Inn, but I’ve considered it.

I’m not even sure if returning to school is an option after taking more than a year off. But I want to find out.

“I was never a doctor.”

“You could be. What’s stopping you?”

“I’m considering it,” I admit.

Louis leans back in his chair, more focused on me than his vices. “Good.”

“My father wouldn’t approve.”

He heaves out a sigh. “James was a complicated man, Charles. You don’t need me to tell you that. But he loved you and your sister. You were a lot more than a legacy to him. He might have had a hard time expressing that, but it was still true. And he left you with a heavier burden than any son should have to bear.Now that you’ve got everything sorted, I think he’d tell you to be selfish for a bit.”

I can’t picture my father ever saying those words. His whole identity was built around duty and responsibility. And just because he failed in some respects, I’ve never felt like that gave me the freedom to do the same.

“Maybe.”

He half smiles, like he realizes I’m unconvinced. Like he knows that coming to terms with my father’s expectations and plans—and loss—is something I have to accept myself, same as I’ve realized. That was easier to push to the side when I was focused on simply getting through the immediate issues, not having to map out a long-term plan. I’m scared to jinx the solution, but assuming the deal goes through as expected, I’m going to have less to manage and a giant source of stress alleviated.

“You knew my father before he got married.”

Louis nods, even though I wasn’t really asking. I know he and James graduated from Cambridge together over a decade before my parents met. “I did indeed.”

“Do you know why he married her?”

A question I was never brave enough to ask my father. We didn’t discuss the topic of my mother. She was taboo to talk about from the moment any painting with her in it came down from the walls. The one time I discussed her with my father in the past sixteen years was when her wedding invitation came and I informed him I was attending.

“Only the most obvious reasons. Georgia was beautiful and charming. She also appeared to care little about the title—at least at first—and I know that appealed to James.”

“What do you mean?”

“You would understand better than me. Your father might have been a dutiful duke, but that doesn’t mean he didn’tstruggle with the role. He found different ways to deal with it. Marrying your mother was one example—choosing a woman who was somewhat unexpected. The gambling is another. Men who are content in their lives don’t take the sort of risks that—” He stops speaking abruptly, then reaches for his scotch. “I didn’t mean to imply …”

“It’s fine, Louis. I’m trying to understand why he did what he did. What he would have expected from me if he’d …” I shake my head.

“He never would have seen you become duke, Charles. No matter how long he lived. That’s the downside of titles.”

“Not the only one.”

He sighs. “I’m sure. But comparing yourself to your father isn’t going to make the role any easier. You’re dealing with challenges he never did—with problems he created. Your loyalty to your family is admirable. But don’t let it overtake your own ambitions. Your own happiness. You can be a doctoranda duke, if you so choose. Focus on the options you have, not the limitations.”

I rub my fingers along the beaded edge of the leather armrest. “I met a woman. She’s American.”

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