Page 24 of Come Break My Heart Again

The ground is damp and cool, the sun sinking behind the barrier of the full bleachers. It’s starting to feel like fall.

I exhale, then lean over my left leg. “Does it make me a bad captain and a terrible girlfriend if I tell you we have no chance?”

“Probably.”

I roll my eyes before glancing at the field where the two teams are warming up. Fernwood High’s green jerseys stand at one end. Thompson High’s blue ones at the other. Thompson finished last season, ranked third in the state. We finished … a lot lower than that.

“I mean, wecouldwin. Miracles happen.”

Juliet laughs. “You’re a bad captain and a terrible girlfriend.”

“I know.”

Juliet hears the shift in my tone from sarcastic to serious. She raises one eyebrow as she lifts her arms over her head and rolls her neck from side to side. “Something happen with Archer?”

Ryder James came back.

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I pull one foot up against my thigh and lean forward. Ryder’s not the only reason I’ve felt restless this week. But he’s a … reminder. Proof I once did what Iwanted, not what was expected or easy.

“I just … it kinda hit me that this is senior year. And I’m sick of so much staying the same. Of my life being so …predictable.”

“Is this about cheer?” she asks. “Or about Archer?”

“Both,” I reply.

“The season is only a couple of months. You’ve gotten through three of them. Only one to go. And Archer … you guys have only been dating since May. That’s, like, four months, Elle. Not that long.”

I nod. It feels like a lot longer than four months—and not in a good way.

Juliet is studying me closely, so I force a smile before switching legs. I lean farther forward this time, so my ponytail falls to cover most of my face.

I lie all the time, but rarely to Juliet or Keira.

Everything I told Juliet is technically true.

I’ve never liked cheerleading that much. Rose cheered, so everyone always assumed I would too. My older sister has been gone for five years, and sometimes, it feels like I’ll never escape her shadow.

Ghosts set an impossible, memorialized standard, one I’m sick of striving toward. Rose was fifteen when she died. Each year I outlive her, it feels like the pressure increases. Like I’m responsible for living her life too. For making the choices she would have.

Archer isn’t a bad guy. He’s self-centered, but he can be sensitive too. I’ve known him my entire life. I assumed he’d grow up and my feelings would grow with him.

And then Ryder James had to return and blow that theory to smithereens. To prove what I’d suspected all along—I haven’tdeveloped feelings for any guy in the past two years because I’m in love with Ryder. Still.

It wasn’t teenage hormones. It wasn’t a childish crush. It wasn’t the thrill of sneaking around. We were the real damn thing.

“Sorry I’m late.” Keira drops her cheer bag down, then plops onto the grass beside me.

“No worries,” I say.

Keira laughs once. “No worries? Are you feeling okay, girl?”

“She’s having an identity crisis,” Juliet supplies.

“Ooh. About what?” Keira asks, pulling her hair out of its bun and starting to braid it.

“Archer and cheerleading,” Juliet replies.

“Oh. That’s easy.” Keira shrugs a shoulder carelessly. “Dump the guy and quit the team. I wouldloveto have my afternoons and Friday nights back. No offense, Captain.”

---