Page 138 of Come Break My Heart Again

He’s wrong.

But I’m not as certain I’m not a phase Elle will outgrow. Change is inevitable and unpredictable.

I doze off eventually, my sleepless night catching up with me. I’m woken by the buzz of my phone.

ELLE: Where are you?

RYDER: Sick day. Woke up not feeling well.

I feel shitty about lying to her. But I don’t want her close to any of this. I told Elle I’d keep Phoenix away from her. I told Elle I didn’t owe any favors.

And I promised her I wouldn’t touch Archer.

I should be there today, not just to offer explanations. To make sure Hathaway stays the hell away from her.

I miss her. I haven’t seen her since Friday night, and I spent most of that time attempting to exhale my anger.

ELLE: I’ll bring you some soup after cheer.

I smile.

RYDER: Best girlfriend ever.

It feels good to use the title, even if it’s just over text. I’ve never used it before. Never wanted to. With Elle, my hesitation has never been uncertainty. More fear.

You can’t lose what you never really had.

Three dots appear and disappear twice before Elle sends a reply.

ELLE: Girlfriend?

It’s impossible to read her tone over text.

RYDER: We can pretend that was a typo.

ELLE: For what? Garland? Grandchild?

I snort and shake my head, mildly impressed she managed to come up with two similar words so quickly. Then drag a palm down my face. I’m totally fumbling this exchange.

RYDER: I just meant I’m not making assumptions.

RYDER: About us.

I glance at the clock. Two minutes until the start of first period. She’s probably already in Mr. Anderson’s classroom.

RYDER: I hope this isn’t too smooth for you.

ELLE: Just awkward enough.

ELLE: You should make more assumptions.

ELLE: Boyfriend.

The tightness in my cheeks tells me I’m grinning wide.

RYDER: I love you.

ELLE: You’re growing on me too.

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