Page 101 of Come Break My Heart Again

I offer him a final weak smile, then step out of the car and carefully close the door behind me. Watch his taillights disappear down the street.

As soon as I’m inside, I flop down on the couch and pull my phone out. Scout jumps up to snuggle against my side. Stroking his soft fur usually calms me. Not right now. I hold the phone against my ear so tightly that it hurts, listening to it ring. His number might have changed. But, for some reason, I don’t think it has.

He answers after two rings, yet says nothing.

We sit in silence, me glaring at the empty fireplace and petting Scout, until I can’t take it anymore.

“‘That guy, Elle? Really?’ What thefuckwas that, Ryder?”

My imitation of his voice is awful, but neither of us laughs at the bad impression.

Yelling at him feels good. Right, as wrong as that sounds. I’ve tried so hard to be polite. To rise above. And that civility has done nothing to release the simmering resentment and rage I’ve held on to for years.

“It was a question.”

He’s not being glib, just literal. Still manages to just piss me off more.

“You don’t get to ask me that sort of question. Who I date isnone of your damn business.”

His exhale is heavy. “I’m sorry I overstepped. I just want you to be?—”

“I don’t give ashitwhat youwantme to be. I stopped giving a shit when youbroke up with me.”

“Elle …”

“Actually, you didn’t just break up with me. Youabandonedme. Twice! So, you don’t get to have any say in how I move on or who I move on with.”

A long silence, followed by a soft, “Okay.”

And I hate him for being agreeable. For not doubling down. For not yelling back.

For not fighting. In the moments I really need him to, he sets down his sword.

It makes me feel even worse about my conversation with Prescott in the car. Because I know exactly how he feels. Because praying someone else will care more is draining and exhausting and, in the end, pointless.

“You thought I’d stay single forseven years?”

There’s a pause as Ryder absorbs the poison in my words.

My thoughts and feelings are too snarled to sort out if the acid is unfairly aimed at him or not. If he deserves it or if I’m simply searching for an outlet for my own demons and shortcomings. Ryder’s always been the one person who seems equipped to handle my darkness. Who has never expected anything and only accepted.

“No. I didn’t think you’d wait,” he finally answers.

The change of phrase pummels me. Because in so many ways, Ididwait. I still am.

“What the hell was there to wait for?” I snap.

“We’re over, Elle. We were never going to work. I’ve accepted that. You should too.”

“A guy who cares more about you than his golf score or his college frat.”

“You don’t know him.”

“Okay, fine. I don’t know him. Why are you calling, Elle?”

Anger is draining away, leaving pure exhaustion behind.

“Because you said I always could,” I whisper.

---