Page 76 of Merry Little Midlife Matchmaker

“Let me make a fresh pot. I know it’s terrible.”

“Sit down, Sean.”

I lowered myself back onto my chair and cleared my throat. “It’s my fault everything went wrong last night,” I blurted.

It surprised me to see sadness enter Margaret’s kind eyes. She’d taken her jacket off and hung it on the back of her chair, and as she pushed up the sleeves of her cashmere sweater, I stared at the watch she’d worn for decades. She’d always been a steady presence that seemed a little uncomfortable compared to the chaos of my childhood home.

“It wasn’t your fault, Sean.”

I scoffed. “No? I’m the one who kissed Lizzie right there where anyone could see. I’m the one who pursued her. I’m the one who tackled my oldest and best friend to the ground.”

“You used to do that every second day when you were teenagers.”

“Yeah, when we were teenagers.”

Margaret let out a long sigh. “Fine. I’ll amend what I said: you weren’tsolelyresponsible for what happened yesterday.”

“It wasn’t Lizzie’s fault, Margaret.”

“I never said it was.”

“She’s a good person. She’s the best person. I never deserved her, and I never should’ve pursued her because Iknowshe’s too good for me.”

“So what do you deserve?”

I blinked at my aunt. She stared back at me, her back straight as a rod, her gaze steady. When she arched her brow to prod me to speak, I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Do you deserve to be unhappy and alone?”

Her words felt like a slap, but I relished the pain. “Probably, yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because—” I gulped. “I just do.”

“Explain it to me.”

“I ruin everything. I can’t get over these feelings inside me, and every year they rear up. Christmas brings out the worst in me. Just like my dad.”

Margaret leaned back. “Ah.”

Her quiet acceptance of my words stung, but how could she deny it? “He’d drink his way through the holidays and make our lives a living hell,” I continued, throat tight. “He made us walk on eggshells. That’s what I did to Melody. I didn’t drink the way he did, but I drove her away. It’s what I did to Aaron and his family. To Lizzie.”

“So it was your fault that your wife was unfaithful?”

“Yes!” I exploded, then shoved my palm against my short hair. I gripped the strands as best I could and pulled, then let out a long breath. “If I’d been a better man, she wouldn’t have had to go looking for affection somewhere else. The office holiday party would’ve been a chore instead of an opportunity to cheat.”

Margaret traced the base of her mug with a finger and was silent for a long moment. Then she said, “What do you want for Mikey?”

Confused, I looked up at her. “What?”

“What kind of life do you want for your son?”

“I want him to have everything. I want the best for him. I want him to grow up surrounded by people he loves. I want him to meet someone and have a great life. I want him to be happy, to thrive.”

“That’s why you moved back to Heart’s Cove.”

“Of course.”

---