Page 86 of Merry Little Midlife Matchmaker

It felt good to hear his apology, but a part of me still held back. It wasn’t lost on me that he was apologizing to me after realizing that I wouldn’t be taking on the hosting duties of yet another family party. Was he just apologizing so that things would go back to the way they were?

“I appreciate you saying that,” I replied, hesitating.

Aaron nodded. “Good. Good. Mom’s hosting New Year’s. Will you come?”

I stared into his eyes and waited for the right answer to present itself to me. The truth was, it would be easy to go to my mom’s house and slip into exactly the same role I’d held for so long. I could tell myself I was doing it for my kids, that I wanted them to spend the holiday with their extended family.

But that would be a lie.

If I said yes now and wiped the slate clean for my brother and the rest of my family, I’d be setting myself up for taking on so much more emotional labor. I would have to navigate a familiar party with familiar dynamics and figure out exactly how I fit into it when I wasn’t even sure what I wanted.

It was too soon.

“No,” I finally answered. “We’ll have a quiet New Year’s here, just me and the kids.”

Aaron’s shoulders dropped. “Right. Yeah. That’s fair.”

My bath was singing a siren song, and exhaustion was hurtling toward me while it did. “Was there anything else?” I asked, making moves as if to stand up.

“Yes,” Aaron blurted.

I froze.

He angled himself toward me, lacing his hands together as he leaned on his thighs. “I’m sorry for how I spoke to you, Lizzie. I shouldn’t have blown up like that.”

When my brother met my gaze, the exhaustion finally hit. I slumped against the sofa and nodded. I wanted to forgive him, to wave a hand and tell him everything was okay. The problem was, I wasn’t sure it was true—and I was done protecting everyone else’s feelings at the expense of my own.

“You humiliated me,” I told him. “You blamed me for the kiss, even though Sean was just as much there as I was.”

“You’re my sister, Lizzie?—”

“And?”

He snapped his mouth shut. Dipped his chin.

“Sean has been divorced half the length of time that I have, and you all jumped on him to start dating again. Why has no one ever asked me? Encouraged me? Why hasn’t a single one of you wondered aboutme?”

Aaron looked torn. He shook his head. “I don’t know, Lizzie.”

“It’s because you just see me as the kids’ mom, Aaron. It’s because I’m not really a person to you. I’m just a helpful side character.”

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

I took a deep breath and let my anger dissipate. Aaron wasn’t the only one to blame. He’d acted like an ass, yes. But I was the one who’d contorted myself to fit a box that was convenient for everyone else. I was the one who’d lost my spine, my confidence, my self. I was the one who accepted the roles that were thrust upon me.

Could I blame Aaron or the rest of my family when they accepted that at face value? When I never fought back?

“Thank you for apologizing,” I told him. “I appreciate it. I just—I need some time.”

Aaron nodded. “Sure. Yeah. You want me to take the kids one of these days? I probably owe you a year’s worth of babysitting.”

A knot untied itself in my heart, and I felt my lips curl into a smile. “A bit more than a year, I’d say.”

Aaron huffed. “Probably, yeah.”

“No more last-minute favors so you can go hang at the bar with your buddies.”

He dropped his gaze. “No.”

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