Page 38 of Merry Little Midlife Matchmaker

I wanted to say,Look at me. Do I look like dating material to you?But I knew that would sound pathetic, like I was fishing for compliments. So I just shrugged and said, “I wanted to put my kids first.”

“I know how that feels.”

The bitterness in my heart faded, and I met Sean’s gaze. I smiled sadly. “No matter how well you co-parent with an ex, there’s still a lot of juggling to do.”

“I was lucky,” he said. “Melody has always been career-focused, so she was happy to give me primary custody.”

“Oh?”

Sean smiled. “Don’t look so horrified. She wasn’t a bad mother. I think… I think she felt pressured into having a kid.”

“By you?”

“Partly. We’d always talked about having kids, but it was always later. In a few years. The time was never right. She was always on the verge of a big promotion, in the middle of a big project, on the cusp of her next big jump. I felt the years slipping away. Her parents badgered her about it with nearly every conversation they had with her. I think that’s what got to her in the end.”

“They wanted grandkids.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Is that why things didn’t work out between you?”

Sean ran his fingers along the base of his glass and took a sip before answering. He walked back to the other side of the island and topped up his glass before passing the bottle over to me to do the same. “She cheated on me at a company event.” He cleared his throat. “At the company Christmas party, actually. We tried counseling, but I just couldn’t forgive her, and I think she resented me too much.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes landed on me. “What about you? What happened with your kids’ dad?”

“He had an affair with a coworker as well,” I said, then shook my head. “I mean, it was never physical, or at least he swore up and down they never slept together. But they got close. She was his ‘work wife.’ They started working late together, callingand texting daily.” I gulped and stared at the liquid in my glass, trying not to let my thoughts spiral back to those dark years, to the moment of discovery that had sent me sprinting for the toilet so I could get sick. “Our marriage just—deteriorated. He stopped caring, and I guess I was in denial. In the aftermath, when they finally got together, I felt like the emotional affair hurt worse than a one-night stand would’ve done. I would’ve preferred for him to sleep with her, for it to just be about sex. But he told me he fell out of love with me and into love with her.”

When I realized what I’d said, I clamped my lips shut and jerked my head up to meet Sean’s gaze. “I didn’t mean—I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to minimize what you went through. I—forget I said anything.”

“Lizzie, stop.” He shook his head. A few feet of distance separated us, but it felt like if there hadn’t been a piece of marble between us, he would’ve crossed the distance and wrapped me in his arms. More evidence of my endless delusions. Sean smiled sadly. “For what it’s worth, I think they’re as bad as each other. I drove myself crazy imagining her with another man. But if she’d fallen in love with someone else right in front of me…” A harsh breath blew out of his nostrils. “I don’t know how I would’ve reacted. It would’ve been worse. It would’ve made me question everything about myself, about our relationship. I’m sorry he did that to you.”

Silence settled around us, but it wasn’t the uncomfortable, tense silence that I would normally rush to fill. It was like a still summer day, where silence felt like the sun’s rays on bare skin.

When my marriage had shattered, the fact that Isaac hadn’t had sex with his coworker was something he threw in my face at every opportunity. How could I be so upset about the betrayal, when he hadn’t even done anything with her? What was I even upset about? It wasn’t like he’dcheatedon me. I was unreasonable, emotional, and ridiculous.

Over time, as our fights became more frequent and divorce reared its ugly head, I began to believe his words. And I heard the same thing from my family and friends. They said it like it was a good thing: at least he hadn’t slept with her. At least he’d remained faithful.

But it wasn’t until that moment—with my fingers clasping the stem of my cheap wine glass and a kind, thoughtful, generous man standing in front of me telling me he would’ve felt the same way—that I realized my feelings were valid.

Itwasa betrayal. It was deep, cutting duplicity from the man who’d vowed to stand by my side forever. He let me take care of the home and children, let me struggle to contribute to the finances while I took on the lion’s share of the housework, and he went elsewhere to get his ego stroked.

The life I’d worked so hard to build with him had been a lie. And then I’d had to rebuild my idea of a future all by myself, with two young kids to take care of, with lawyers’ bills and a new job and all the disappointed clucking of everyone who told me I’d overreacted.

But Ihadn’t. I’d been right to be mad. I’d been right to be hurt.

“Thank you,” I croaked, and dragged my gaze up to his.

“For what?”

“For saying that. For making me feel like it was okay for me to be upset.”

His lips curled slightly, but his eyes were sad. “We definitely sound like two people who are ready to get back on the dating horse.”

I laughed, and a snort came out, which made me laugh harder. The sound of Sean’s chuckle wrapped around me like a warm hug, and when we finally quieted down, he grabbed the bottle and topped up our glasses again. It was going down way too easy, so I forced myself to slow down.

“So,” he said. “Why do you get to have all the fun matchmaking? How about you tell me about your ideal man.”

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