Page 87 of Inevitable Inheritance

When Derrick tried to dart his eyes, Taylor reached over and pulled his head up by his ear, forcing him to look at her. “Tell me.”

Derrick still looked hesitant, “Taylor, it’s not important—”

Taylor snatched his ear and pulled it down hard.

“Ow!” he called out, but he smirked at her behavior.

“Tell me,” Taylor said.

“Fine, you said that you were mad because you were in love with me and had been since the womb.”

Taylor’s eyes widened, and she went to back off the stool and escape what was clearly a very bad dream. But Derrick saw her making a run for it and snaked an arm out, locking it down tight on Taylor’s arm. “We need to talk. We need to clear the air, and we are going to do it now,” he said calmly, softly, but Taylor couldn’t bear to look at him.

“I am in this for the long haul, Taylor,” he said, leaning into her. “When we get married, that’s going to be it. This is serious for me.”

Taylor rolled her eyes. “So what does that have to do with my drunken remarks?”

“Because I think it’s the truth. I think I really hurt you and that you can’t trust me now because I broke my promises to you. And I broke your heart,” he explained, his voice begging to be heard. “Marriage is about honesty, so we need to clear the air before we can do that.”

“Well, somebody has been all over Dr. Phil, haven’t they?” she muttered to him. “Was there a show on how to make it through your fake marriage?” she asked sickly sweet, batting her eyes at him.

“No, I got that info from a psych class in college,” he sarcastically threw back at her. “Stop trying to avoid this, Taylor. We need to be open with each other. We need to be truthful.”

“I agree,” Taylor said and felt Derrick relax, “but I don’t think the past has a place here.”

“Well, I do,” Derrick cut in. “Taylor, when I didn’t show, I panicked, I was a coward.”

“Derrick, let’s not do this,” Taylor pleaded. She really wasn’t sure why she didn’t want him to explain, but it hurt when he started to talk about anything not in the here and now.

“Stop running from the past! Damn it, Taylor. It happened, and we have to deal with it! Let me just say it, and then we can move on, please!” When Taylor didn’t speak anymore, Derrick continued.

“I just felt like I wasn’t good enough for you, that you deserved someone better, but I wasn’t even man enough to call. I just avoided it. I was the king of that, you know? If it hurt, I just avoided it. Hoping it would go away. That’s how I know it won’t work for us to just avoid all the crap that happened. We have got to talk about it, or it will taint everything. That is how I handled my mom being sick—I just avoided it, avoided her, and I wasn’t there when she died.”

Taylor shook her head, “Derrick, it doesn’t—”

“It matters, damn it!” he said, slamming a fist on the granite counter. “And then your mom died, and it just made me feel like a huge jerk because it just kicked up all these feelings and …”

“I can’t do this,” Taylor said. “I can’t rehash all this shit. I am trying to move on from it. I don’t want to relive it. I already lived it … we already lived it!” The pressure in her chest made it hard to breathe. All the heartache and sadness was still inside her, just waiting to bubble over. She had shoved it way down deep, and for a while she thought it was gone, but now here it was ready to come back out.

“But I need to tell you. Please,” Derrick pleaded. “Please let me explain myself.”

“I’ve accepted what happened, Derrick. There is nothing to explain,” Taylor whispered, desperate to hold back emotion.

“That would be okay if you really meant it, but I know you don’t,” Derrick desperately said to Taylor. “Damn it, Taylor, I couldn’t see the woman I considered a second mother in a casket, and I couldn’t see you upset because I wasn’t good enough to comfort you, so instead I got wasted in Mexico. I couldn’t comfort you. I was not what you needed. I was not good enough.”

Taylor told herself she didn’t want to know, didn’t need to ask, but her mouth always shot off of its own accord. “Why weren’t you good enough? Why do you keep saying that?” she whispered.

“Because I, I just wasn’t. I just was not a good enough man for you then.”

“So you didn’t show up and didn’t comfort me because you thought you weren’t good enough?” Taylor asked softly.

Derrick nodded slowly, looking deep into her eyes.

“I see,” Taylor answered quietly, looking down. Suddenly she looked up, eyes wild and mad, “Well, don’t you think that should have been my choice, you arrogant asshole? Shouldn’t I have gotten to decide whether or not you were good enough for me?”

Derrick pushed back and looked at Taylor in surprise. Too late now, he wanted the air clear, he was going to have to contend with all the dust he kicked up going back there first.

“I had it bad for you, and then you told me I didn’t get you when I knew everything about you including that you didn’t sleep out because you still sucked your thumb sometimes when you were fifteen, and I was beyond hurt. I had nobody, only you. I lived in this bubble, and only you were in there, not even Marty knew as much as we did about each other, and you blew me off. Then your mom died, and I was broken, but I went to comfort Marty, and you begged for me, and when I tried to not go to you it broke me, and I couldn’t let you suffer. I let you cry on me for hours, and when you asked me not to go, asked me to call, asked me to let you take me out—like, how did you say it? ‘A real date.’ I thought I would die. Then you blew me off and got photographed in a tattoo shop, and then passed out at a club. I felt so fucking special! I got blown off for ink and booze! What a great alternative! And now you drag me back from my little island of freedom and are all ready to marry me out of guilt for previous indiscretions? Wow, you are like a freaking romance god, Derrick. You know that?”

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