Page 42 of Whispered Warnings: Part One

“So there is a chance that they could invoke the Choosing, which could potentially kill me, just to get at you?” I ask.

Reed nods, “Yes.”

“If that happens, fates be damned, I will make their lives a living fucking hell,” I growl.

“Deal,” River replies, his usual mirth missing from his eyes.

“No choice,” I mutter. The guys shake their heads. I can see how much all of them hate this, and that takes the edge off slightly.

Slightly, but not enough. The current knot of anger, and fear at the thought of being trapped in a situation I have no control over threatens to stir memories that I need to stay buried, walking through these emotions is not going to fucking work this time they are too raw, too triggering. The voices get louder as ifthey are trying to help me drown out the threatening memories too, but it’s no good.

There is only one thing for it.

“Neith?” Raiden asks, his dark eyes swirling with concern.

“Have you guys got a gym?” I ask.

Griff frowns, seemingly as confused as the others, but he answers me anyway, saying, “Yes.”

“Show me?” I ask as I stand from the table, bouncing on my toes.

He nods and gets up; I follow him, aware that the others are following as well.

I glance up at River, “Do you have some headphones and something I can listen to music on?”

He nods and jogs in a different direction to the one that we were going in. I love that he didn’t ask any questions. He catches back up to us as we move further into the house and then push through big double doors that lead to a state of the art gym, I am too fucking mad to notice much else about the room but I zero in on the bags in the corner.

“I just need a minute,” I say, hoping they don’t ask me questions.

“Of course, we will leave you to it,” Doc says firmly, as if he is warning the others to do just that.

River hands me a set of on ear headphones, and his phone, his music app already loaded, I scroll through the playlists until I find a heavy rock one and nod my thanks. As I’m putting them on the music already playing, I catch Evander’s confused look.

I’m not surprised, I have never been very good at being told what to do, and I used to get crazy emotional and pretty much have tantrums if I was forced to do something, serious things, not things like homework and shit. Basically, I was very immature about it.

I still explode, especially when it’s something as serious as this is. It’s hardwired into me and has also become a trauma response, thanks to my past. Under normal circumstances, I can push it away until I’m calm enough to deal with it. However, these aren’t normal circumstances, this has the potential to be a life and death situation, and if it does come about, then, the likelihood is it is because the team has a problem with the guys.

That’s pathetic.

I don’t explain to Van that I had to learn to control my emotions this way, because he is going to ask why and I am not ready to share that part of my life, not all the bad came from Dimitri, some of it came from before him.

I shudder and shake my arms out to hide it, again it would cause questions I don’t want to answer.

With the music blaring in my ears and the voices buzzing loudly in my head, I do the simplest and quickest stretch that I can get away with, just so that I don’t end up cursing myself later. I start hitting the bag, running through my usual routine, and then switching it up. It would be so much better if it were fighting back, and I didn’t have time to think.

Chapter Fourteen

Neith

I don’t even bother wrapping my hands. I need the bite of pain right now to keep me grounded and stop me from flying off into the panic attack that I can already feel building. It has been a very long time since I had one, I am now able to go into situations that would have caused a panic attack before without it causing any issues for me, and I worked really fucking hard to ensure that I wasn’t at a disadvantage just because of my past.

But the last few days have been intense as fuck. I have found out my whole life has been a lie, and I don’t even know the extent of what that means, I have died twice, nearly died again twice, I have been transported to a different mother fucking realm, and once again fought my life. I can do things I shouldn’t be able to do, I have a magic fucking sword, and I have had to reveal more about my past in the last few days than I have revealed to anyone ever. At this point, after everything that I have been through, these fucking trials, whatever they are, will be a fucking breeze.

I have had to talk about Dimitri, and that means I’ve to think about that past.

The past is not a good place to dwell, nothing good comes from doing so.

I know that and yet I have been thinking backward more than I care to admit. It has made me vulnerable, and it means that I have triggered, or almost triggered, a panic attack.

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