Page 31 of The Brotherly Shove

Now

San Francisco, California

A loud snore startles me from the midnight dark of my peaceful, dreamless sleep. I stir, eyes adjusting to the bright white sunlight shining into the room through the crack of the window. I try to shift, but I'm held in place by two muscular, warm, soft arms. The proximity startles me. I can't remember the last time I shared a bed with anyone, let alone a man. I blink, confused, before reality settles in around me.

I'm in Lennon's hotel room. I'm in Lennon's arms.

I'm naked in Lennon's hotel room in Lennon's naked arms.

Last night…

Holy shit last night actually happened. We kissed. I kissed Lennon. Lennon kissed me. We did…stuff. We got each other off. More than once. I told him I'm in love with him. He said he's in love with me.

The words on his lips do laps around my mind, an endless loop of insanity that I need a moment to wrap my head around.

The more I think it, the more it sinks in.

Lennon and I are in love with each other.

I look up at Lennon from where my head is resting on his chest, now able to see him a bit more clearly since my eyes have adjusted to the darkness of the room. Our bodies rise and fall with each of his slow, sleepy breaths. His face is soft, and a slight smile plays at the corner of his lips.

I've woken up next to Lennon a thousand times, but I've never once seen him smiling in his sleep. A bright orb of golden light warms my chest at the possibility that I put that smile there. I think back to the shower last night, how tenderly Lennon treated me as I broke down in his arms. I believe him when he says he forgives me. I believe him when he says he still wants me. It might take awhile for me to come to terms with how poorly I've dealt with things over the last year, but knowing that I get to have Lennon by my side while I work through my self-loathing, knowing he's giving me the opportunity to be a better man for him?

Yeah. That feels really, really good.

Lennon snores again, and this time it doesn't startle me, but I can't help the chuckle that escapes my mouth. I already knew that he sometimes snores, but it only ever happens when he lays on his back like he is right now. I'll have to remember that when we go to bed later and make sure we're in a spooning position when we go to sleep tonight.

If we go to sleep together, that is. I mean, I feel like we should, shouldn't we? Or is that moving too soon?

Is there such a thing as 'too soon' when two people realize they've wanted each other for as long as we have? I felt like we talked about so much last night, but right now it feels like we haven't discussed anything at all.

I mean, is Lennon my boyfriend?

Dear god, I hope so.

He snores again, the loudest one yet, loud enough to wake himself up. He startles, squeezing me tight against his body ashis eyes flash open in fear and the kind of confusion that only comes with being woken suddenly, and I lose it. I can't stop laughing, even as he looks around and tries to find his bearings. Even though he's got my body in a death grip, my laugh comes out hard enough that my whole chest shakes with it.

"Why are you laughing? What happened?" he asks, and as bad as it sounds, the panic in his voice makes me laugh even harder. He pulls his arms out from underneath me and sits up, leaning against the headboard. I roll off of him in the process, and I bury my face into a pillow as tears start to stream down my face from the force of my laughter. I'm not even making sounds anymore, just gasping for breath as my abs contract and ache in amusement.

"Breaker, if you don't tell me what's so funny right this second…" Lennon threatens, and I lift a hand, waving it dismissively at him. He snags it, pulling me towards him and lifting my dead weight form effortlessly from my prone position on my back and draping me across his lap. I wiggle as my laughter dies down, getting myself into a sitting position on his thighs. Our bottom halves are covered in a tangled mess of sheets and blankets, but I can still feel the warmth of his skin on my ass as I settle into him.

Finally, I catch my breath enough to answer him.

"You snored yourself awake, honey. I think you scared yourself because as soon as you were up, you grabbed me so tight. Your sleepy self was trying to protect me. I was laughing because it was your own snore that you were protecting me from." I wrap my arms around his neck as his hands settle on my lower back. He huffs out a small laugh and then presses his forehead against mine.

"Oh, thank god. I thought you were laughing at us. I could've sworn you were going to tell me last night was a mistake." He trails his fingertips over the bare expanse of my back and I feelgoosebumps form on my arms and I thicken under the blanket. As if I could think last night was a mistake.

In fact, all the things that led us here, the sleepless nights, the arguments, the longing? None of it could be a mistake if it got us to right here, right now.

I push up so that our faces are at eye level. I rub the tip of my nose against his, ready to say 'fuck it' to the morning breath I know we're both sporting and attack his mouth, but Lennon pulls back.

"B?" he asks

"Yes, Len?"

"How the hell did you know what room I would be in last night?"

I suddenly remember the lax security and the reason I should've insisted we left and stayed at my place last night. Alas, I was too sex drunk to think straight. I purse my lips, then pat at his chest as I get off the bed.

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