Page 98 of Quasim: King Inferno

Past

Recommendation: listen to ‘She’s Somebody’s Daughter’ by Drew Baldridge

“Daddy?” I heard my daughter’s voice and pulled away from the princess cartoon we had been watching.

We were in the hospital because Harley couldn’t stop vomiting. For the past two days, every time she ate, she couldn’t keep anything down. I brought her in, and she was so dehydrated that they had to administer an IV for her.

The chicken nuggets, her favorite, were sitting in front of her untouched because her appetite was slim to none. Her hair was gone, with just a few pieces holding on that I couldn’t bring myself to shave.

She loved her hair.

It was her favorite thing, and the fact that she got it from my mother, made her hair that more special. Mina Inferno was going to share that curly hair gene with her entire bloodline if she had to.

“What’s going on, baby?” I kissed her head and sat down on the edge of the bed while she put her colored pencil down, no longer interested in the coloring books I had purchased for her.

The ward we were in was for children with cancer, so they made sure they had plenty of things for the kids to do, including a therapy dog that came around to cheer them up.

She looked up at me with tired eyes.

I knew she was tired of fighting, but I needed her. She couldn’t leave me, so I would do or spend whatever to make sure I fought for her life. Harley didn’t need to fight; her father was going to always fight for her.

“I’m ugly.”

Her words caught me off guard as she busted out into tears and touched her head. “Baby, why would you think that? You’re the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“I’m not pretty like the princesses. They have long hair, daddy… look at their hair.” She heaved as she sobbed, breaking my fucking heart.

I grabbed her up, careful of all her IV wires, and kissed her on the face. “Harley, you are beautiful. With or without hair, you are beautiful.” My emotions were caught in my throat as she looked at me. “Do you know there are some bald models… fashion models, Har.”

She sniffled as she looked up at me. “Really?”

I pulled my phone out and googled bald fashion models and showed her. She took my phone and looked at all of them. “Look at them… beautiful, just like you.”

She heaved a sigh and handed me my phone back. “Daddy, I’m tired. I don’t want to fight anymore… no more needles.”

I had been doing a good job at holding it together until she said those words to me. “You can’t leave daddy… God needs you down here with me a little longer… okay?”

She nodded her head and snuggled into my chest as I kissed her. “Okay daddy… only for you.”

I smiled, though the tears fell down my face. A nurse entered and saw me and backed out the room while I held onto my baby, never wanting to let her go. I couldn’t let Harley see me cry because then she would become worried.

When we lost her mother, it killed me. I couldn’t lose my daughter; she was all I had left of me and Cherie. Losing her would destroy me, turn me into a shell of myself. I would put the gun to my head and end it all if I lost my daughter.

She was all I had.

I rocked her in my arms as I kissed her head while she went to sleep. She was everything that I had. It felt like God was being cruel, punishing me for all the harm I had caused. No matter how much I prayed, he didn’t listen.

He wouldn’t listen.

“My beautiful baby,” I whispered as I continued to rock her, while looking at the TV. Harley Inferno was the most beautiful little girl in the world.

She was my little girl, and I just needed her to keep fighting for me.

Quasim

The tattoo needlesstabbed into my skin as I kept my eyes closed while thinking about Harley. Her birthday was approaching and every year when it came and went, I was reminded that she had stopped growing.

Stopped aging.

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