“Nigga, you act like the pussy gonna bite you… maybe it should, so yo ass can stop being so damn intense.” Blaze took another pull and released the smoke while putting his feet up on the coffee table.
“I had her naked in my arms, professing her fucking love to me and I froze… froze like a dickhead, yo.”
Blaze remained quiet while he silently smoked his spliff while looking at me.
“We don’t beat around the bush, why the fuck you doing it now,” I looked over at him because I could tell he wasn’t saying everything he wanted to say.
“You froze like a man caught between new love and grief. The guilt you carry for Cherie is eating you alive and not allowing youto move on. Sim, you feel like because her life ended, yours did, too.”
“It fucking did.” I leaned forward, the spliff tucked between my index finger and thumb while I ran my hand down my head with my free hand.
My brother remained relaxed while looking at the baby monitor he pulled out his pocket. “Your life didn’t end when hers did. It didn’t end when we lost Ha…Harley,” he paused.
“Losing Cherie and then Harley fucked me up bad. I feel like the shit is karma, and it’s gonna keep happening to me. I let Blair in and I’m gonna be putting her in the ground, because niggas love to take the people I love away.”
He shook his head. “You shut yourself off from the world, even your own family. Punished yourself because of the shit, and you’re not to blame… Cherie should have never trusted that nigga. I don’t know why God took Harley from us, and trust I got a grudge with him about it, but that wasn’t your fault, either. You did everything, more than some parents would, to save her, Sim… you couldn’t save her… you have love… Blair is love, and she wants to love you. Why the fuck don’t you believe you deserve that?”
“You know what happens when I love someone.” I took another long pull and leaned back on the couch. “This life ain’t meant for that. Pops was lucky and was able to have his love by his side… ain’t in the cards for me.”
“Considering how moms is… how the fuck you think he was lucky?”
I waved Blaze off because before mom’s diagnosis, he had his love right by his side. The Queen Inferno, tearing up the streets right with him. I remember watching her on the back of his bike, her curly hair flowing in the wind.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It happened once. You know what to do and how to move… you think fear ain’t a thing when it comes to Capri? I know she can handle herself and is always strapped, but I move with my girls in the front of my brain at all times. We’re providers, protectors, so come the fuck on with that shit. You not new to this shit, you fucking King Inferno… you know you can protect Blair… with your eyes closed.”
“After the way we left things tonight, she don’t want shit to do with me… can’t say I blame her, though.” I stabbed the spliff into the ashtray and looked out at the view.
“Nigga, she stabbed a bitch in the head because your name was mentioned… our family’s name was mentioned. Women like Suga and Blair don’t come around often. You see how proud Sug is to wear that Inferno name. Yeah, she’s Lady Inferno, but it’s time for you to have a Queen Inferno, Sim. Capri Inferno would die for this family, pull up and air everything out behind us… Blair would do the same fucking thing. Stop letting fear get in the way and love the fuck out of her. B deserves that shit.” He stood up and stretched. “Got me not listening to one of my favorite rappers cause of this shit.”
“Nigga, I ain’t never told you not to listen to homie… I ain’t worried about that nigga. If Anjo wants to have her fun, I’m gonna let her.”
“Until she fucking married, and you sitting here crying and shit. You lost love once before, don’t let it slip out your fingers again, Quasim… I’m going to bed.”
“Night.”
“Love you, fuck head.”
“Yeah… love you too, spare.”
He back peddled until he was looking at me. “You got jokes… the one who had pussy in his hand and froze. I’m scared of the pussy, Blaze… don’t know what to do with it.” He mocked.
I flipped him the middle finger and laughed. “Don’t make me go wake your baby up.”
He knew I would, and quickly took his ass back into the house. It was a cool night with a slight chill in the breeze, but it was comfortable. I went into the house and grabbed a drink before going back out on the patio.
My phone chimed, and then a call came through. I saw it was Havoc’s name and answered the phone. “Yo.”
“Sim, are you going to leave me?” Elijah’s voice came through the line, and I leaned forward with my glass of gin in my hand.
“Nah, why you think that?”
“You didn’t come back and it’s late.”
I chuckled. “I had some grown up business to handle, but I’m coming back early in the morning… cool?”
“Cool.” I could hear the panic leave his voice and a smile enter at the same time.