“Oh. I’m Quasim today?”
“Yes. Now you’re suddenly interested in me because you saw me with Zay. I’ve been ignored by you for months and now you want menearyou… it’s bullshit, Sim.”
He continued to eat as he listened to what I was saying. His jaw flexed as he chewed his food and stared into my eyes. Neither of us broke eye contact with each other, because we both knew what we meant to each other.
The little cat and mouse game used to be cute, but my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take loving someone that didn’t give me the same energy back. I understood that he had been hurt in the most traumatic way possible, and my heart went out to him, I mourned right along with him.
I couldn’t help but to think that Cherie wouldn’t have wanted him to close his heart off from love. That Harley would want her father to be happy, even if she wasn’t here to make him happy. My heart couldn’t help but wonder if I could ever make him happy, or would this always be end game for us?
Always co-existing around each other while I moved on with my life, because I had plans of moving forward with my life. I’ve lived my life for someone before, and it turned out horribly. As much as my heart yearned for the man in front of me, I couldn’t make that same mistake again.
Even forhim.
“You should know me better than that. No nigga can ever make me jealous of what’s already mine… and you are mine, my love.”
“How, Quasim? Make all of this make sense for me… please,” I pleaded with him as I scooted closer to him.
He paused from eating his food and looked me in the eyes. “Shit is fucking complicated with me, Anjo. What the fuck do you want me to say… shit got me all fucked up.”
“Why, though? I told you how I feel… what I want withyou,” I whispered.
He held my chin as he stared me in the eyes. “Big Blair… come on, we doing shots,” I heard Zoya’s voice, and turned to see her standing at the entrance of the park.
“Be right there, Zoy,” I called back to her, as she held the bottle of tequila up and swirled it around her head while laughing.
I turned around and faced Quasim again. He grabbed my chin again and stared down into my eyes. Without words, I could feel exactly what he felt for me, but I needed those words.
I had to hear how he felt about me.
How he craved me just like I had him.
“If you want to explore shit with homie, I’m gonna give you that because it’s unfair of me to expect you to wait for me.”
“Whatever, Quasim,” I stood up and fixed my skirt.
His eyes traveled from my feet up my body and then landed on my face. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
I scooped my purse up. “Nothing… there’s nothing wrong.” I turned to leave, leaving him on the bench and went with Zoya to grab cups so we could take shots with each other.
As much as I wanted that man, and the good lord knew I wanted him, I wasn’t going to sit and figure him out.
Not when there was a man out there that wanted to see what could be between us. He wasn’t Quasim, and that had always felt like a problem for me.
Maybe it was best that he wasn’t Quasim.
I needed new.
“You do know that I can make it home alone, right?” I turned to Yasin, who was posted on his bike after I climbed out of my car. I had parked my car at the compound before we drove to Staten Island. After the police came around trying to be assholes, Capridecided that we should leave. The drive back home was relaxing, with the window down and my favorite playlist, I had zoned out and made the drive back home quicker than usual.
Once I parked on my block, my car started making that ticking sound that it seemed to always make before she decided that she wasn’t going to work for the day.
My Nissan was on its last leg, but it was my baby. I had bought this car with my first large check since opening up my studio. I went right to a used sales dealership and purchased it with my cash.
Tyshawn didn’t have any ties to this car, it was all me. He couldn’t use it against me or take it whenever he was angry with me. It was my little slice of independence, and I cherished her with everything.
However, even I knew when it was time to cut losses, and eventually, I needed to get something more reliable. Since I had been working out in California, and not really home, I didn’t have to worry about the consequences of old Betty giving out on me.
Now that I was back home, I needed to take some time and decide on my next car, because I would be damned if I was left stranded because Betty decided to die on a random Tuesday while I was grocery shopping.