Page 39 of Knot Just for Show

“Most of the time, you seem pretty shallow, dude. There was a little glimmer of hope yesterday that you might actually be hiding a decent guy beneath the exterior of gym routines and pickup-artist-cringe, but right now I’m just getting pure, smarmy asshole and I’m just so not down for that. Sorry.”

Her words are like a punch to the gut.

I have absolutely zero right to be upset by the things that she’s said, considering I am literally on this show for the sole purpose of improving mybrandand Hollywood career prospects…still, her scathing evaluation of me fucking stings, bro.

For a fraction of a second, I contemplate rolling over like I should. Just—giving up the ghost with a half-hearted denial or even just silence—letting Ursula walk right out that door.

Instead, for some wild fucking reason, I decide to double down—to fight for this totally fake-for-tv-romance.

“What could I do that would change your mind?” I ask with as much sensitivity as I can muster.

“For starters—tell me something about yourself that’sreal. Not your workout stuff or what you do on the weekends when you party. What were you like as a kid? Who are the people you would call up first if youdidend up deciding to bite-in to a pack at the end of this whole experience? What about me, other than the fact that you don’t like hearing the word ‘no’ makes you interested in exchanging scent cards?” she blurts out, one after another, like machine gun fire.

I may have misjudged the difficulty level of this exercise.

Again, I am reminded of my mother. What would she say if she saw me making such a readybuffoonof myself? I don’t even want to think about what Ma would do. She’d probably twist my ear right off the side of my head and ban me from family meals for the next two holidays—a fate worse than death in the Wong household.

“Ok, those are all fair questions—but there’s a bunch of em’ so sit tight and I’ll start breaking it down,” I begin to lay my foundation.

“I’m all ears,” she confirms nonchalantly, opening the floor for me.

“So, number one. As a kid I was an absolute goddamn’ menace,” I begin—a genuine grin spreading across my face. “I have two Moms—Lindsay, my ‘Mother’ and Mei, my ‘Ma’. They own a combination dance studio and karate dojo in a strip mall in Bakersfield, California.” I announce proudly. “Between both types of classes, I had a lot of opportunities to get my ya-yas out… and yet I still would be bouncing off the walls all through dinner, bathtime, bedtime.”

I’m gratified to hear the little laugh that escapes Ursula. I don’t know why she’s enjoying these absolutely cringe facts from my childhood—but hey, if it’s playing well with her…maybe it won’t totally ruin my rep to drop all these embarrassing facts.

Or, more likely, this conversation will end up on the cutting room floor after edits. Too boring—not enough drama or spice.

“I actually liked dancing more than Uechi, Tae Kwon Do, and Kenpo—but when I started going to castings, I got cast for the martial arts stuff—not the dance stuff.”

“Ballet?” Ursula interjects, obviously curious.

“Yep, I wanted to dance Sigfried inSwan Lakeso fucking bad dude—I would have probably sold both my kidneys on the black market to do the original Nureyev choreo forRomeo and Juliet.”I let that little tidbit slip—something I’ve never even told Ma, my ballet teacher and closest confidant.

“Wow! That’s incredible—are there any recordings of you in ballet productions that have survived the move from VHS to digital?” Ursula angles.

Yes. I’m so totallyin.

“Oh absolutely, both my moms were totally rabid about recording literally everything I did from birth to when I moved out at 18, since I’m an only child. Ma digitized everything and uploaded it to NuToob back when I had to start making my first portfolios and demo reels,” I assure her before adding casually, “When we get back from our little getawayI’ll show you the NuToob page she’s set up as a dumping ground and you can watch whatever you want, Princess.”

“Hmmm, I could be persuaded,” Ursula tries to play it cool, but I can hear the chuckle that builds at the end of her response.

“As for the people I’mgonnacall,” I dangle the future definitive in front of her intentionally a moment before adding, “Obviously my moms, they’re number one. After them? ProbablyDom and Meesh, then Pol,” I count off my fingers, listing my three closest friends.

“You said you’re an only child, so I’m guessing that Dom, Meesh, and Pol are friends?” she ventures cautiously.

“Meesh is actually my cousin. Short for Michelle. She teaches at the dance studio now. Dom, short for Dominique, has been one of my best friends since we were like six or something. Her mom had signed her up for tap classes, but she kept sneaking over to Judo classes as soon as her mom would leave. Now Dom helps teach at the dojo. She's also in charge of running all the tournament stuff since I skipped town to go do movie stuff,” I sigh, a pang of yearning for two of my closest friends taking me unexpectedly off guard. “Pol didn’t actually ever take a single class, they just loitered around the waiting room reading all the magazines left out for the parents and playing gameboy. Later on, in high school, they would graduate to hitting on all the moms, watching and waiting for their kids to get out of ballet, tap, tae-kwon-do, or judo. As soon as the girls and I would get outta class—we’d go upstairs to my family’s apartment and watch TV until the last 39 bus would run, then they would have to go home,” I explained.

“Ah, so—they’re your chosen family,” Ursula hums appreciatively.

The thought strikes me with a surprising impact. I might have opted to call them my ‘best friends’ a moment ago, but Ursula is right. They are so much more than that. We’ve continued to choose each other—year after year. No matter how much age, or distance, or work has tried to get in the way.

“Yeah, it kinda sucks that I can’t talk to them right now—when I could probablyreallybenefit from some solid advice,” I admit ruefully. “But—soon enough I’ll get to talk to ‘em, and—I mean obviously anyone I would be serious about would have to get along with Meesh, Dom, and Pol too.”

“I get that, really I do,” Ursula assures me. “I’m like that with my chosen family—even more so than my blood family maybe. If one of my parents or my brothers had beef with my prospective packmates—it could probably be something I worked around… but with my bestie and her pack? It would probably be a deal-breaker if they hated any of the guys I brought around.”

Here we go, back on solid ground and talking about the hypothetical future. Time to bring it on home.

“I think that kind of stuff is what I like about you, Princess. You’re focused on the connection—thereal deal. I think that I have trouble doing that kind of stuff because…” I pause, not entirely sure where I’m going with this. Part of it is a lie for the camera, but part of it is true. I do like that when I talk to Ursula we’re talking about real shit. I haven’t talked about my moms or any of that other personal stuff with the other girls…but I’m not really here because I’m looking for myPrincessor any of these other girls. I’m looking for success. The kind of success that Rudy’s picked up.

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