Page 14 of Knot Just for Show

Ursula doesn’t immediately answer, but instead erupts into a peal of genuine sounding laughter.

“Er, I mean– ‘exotic dancer’ or uh– ‘adult entertainer’!” I flail wildly, trying desperately to fix my ham-fisted fumble.

“I mean—I wish all adult performers and sex workers ‘A Very Happy Money’, but no. I don’t work in the field.” Ursula struggles to contain her laughter as I bury my face in my hands—happy to hide behind the curtain of my locs as I nearly double over in shame.

“I’m a makeup artist first and foremost, but I do some hair and wig stuff too because I need to pay my bills like everyone else.”

I peek out of my hands at the wall as if I can see her through it. Over the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears, I can hear the auto-focus whirr as the lenses on the nearby cameras adjust to re-focus on my face as I re-emerge from behind my curtain of hair and hands.

“Why would I judge that?” I ask, genuinely incredulous.

“I mean, it’s not like it’s rocket science. I think people tend to make some assumptions about the aspirations and intelligence of people–especially women, who do what I do.” She laughs nervously before turning the question back on me, “What do youdo Mavren? So that I might feel more or less superior by comparison.”

For some reason, when she says this, I almost feel embarrassed about the success I’ve been enjoying the past fewyears. I don’t want her to think that I’m some kind of out of touch rich asshole or a square.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why should I feel embarrassed about any of that? Plus, I just met her. We’ve barely talked for ten minutes and she’s only the first of X women I’m going to be going on dates with today.

Still, I opt for the least glamorous framing when I give my answer—even if I can’t explain exactly why I’m trying so hard this quickly.

“I’m a chef,” I answer flatly. It’s not even remotely a lie, but it’s not even close to the whole truth, either.

“Oho!” she crows happily, and I can hear her clapping giddily like a child. “Do you work in the private sector? Or are you on a line somewhere?”

This one I can’t really slither out of without an outright lie. I don’t want to give away too much of my identity, but I don’t want to mislead her either.

“I’m an executive chef,” I dangle, intentionally leaving out the rest of that thought,at my own restaurant.

Ursula lets out a long, low whistle.

“Woah! That’s…pretty impressive Mavren.”

I can’t help but feel a unreasonably pleased at her compliment.

“You’ll have to tell me about your menu sometime. I know it’s probably super cringey to say this to an executive chef, but I’m really into food and cooking. I absolutely hate the termfoodiethough. So, don’t worry I won’t call myself one,” she laughs, the warm brassy sound filling the air, prompting me to add my own soft chuckle.

I’m about to start reciting our current seasonal menu from memory, when Tim suddenly pops his head into the doorway of my bubble without knocking.

“Ok kids, we have a lot of first dates for you both to make today. Wrap it up. You can fill out the timesheets to see each other tomorrow.”

I blink, completely incredulous. I had thought that these sessions were organic, that they ran as long or short as we wanted. Apparently, the magic of video editing has merely created this illusion, and I am forced to say goodbye to Ursula before my mandatory hasty retreat.

“Well, you heard the man,” I laugh weakly.

“Yeah, Kimmy’s giving me the death glare too—so I guess I’ll sign up to see you tomorrow?

“Yeah, I’ll be looking forward to it.” I grin foolishly at the section of wall I’ve been ogling, my mind grasping at straws to divine some kind of mental image of Ursula, allowing Timmy to collect me and herd me toward my next date.

Chapter Five

Teddy

When my agent, Len, first suggested that I hit the reality TV show circuit to help bolster my career; I have to admit that I was a bit skeptical.

I was hot off of a prestige mini-series where I had played a futuristic samurai, with a contract to play a limited-runcharacter on a mega-popular streaming service original show; a cyberpunk ninja who ended up becoming a fan favorite. I wound up getting a contract for an additional eight episodes before my character finally died at the hands of the show’s gritty action star protagonist.

It didn’t think I needed to help bolster my career. In fact, I felt like I was cruising along pretty well.

Then the dry spell.

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