Page 104 of Knot Just for Show

“So Teddy,” I clear my throat, stepping out from the background to intercede. “No posturing, no bullshit—you have the floor now. Better make that explanation a good one, or there will be one less member of Pack Gold moving into Redthorn,” I make the threat without having consulted Mavren, Ursula, or even Lysander—but I can tell by the set of Mavren’s jaw, the gently tremulous posture of Ursula as she attempts to hold back her tears, Ronan’s steadily bobbing nod, and Lysander’s hard black-coffee stare that I have spoken with the authority of the pack all the same.

“Ash,” Teddy reaches one golden hand—his splayed fingers stopping just short of my chest, weeping as he wordlessly beseeches me for some kind of help.

I remain cold, impassive—unyielding.

Teddy squeezes his eyes closed—taking a deep breath to fortify himself before he continues.

“I’m a coward.” He shakes his head slowly—his eyes opening, turning to Lysander. “I’ve beenthat guyfor my entire life. Good looking, not particularly bright—given opportunity and accolades for simple shit. Showing up, being able to do things well with my body, looking good—making other people feel good somehow by just looking good around them,” he continues—mania building as he starts pacing—his eyes turning from Lysander, to Ursula—then Mavren, Ronan, and I. “I’ve always taken the path of least resistance—which often means playing up the whole dumb meathead angle.” He putters to a stop—his pacing dying out, leaving him stranded at the center of the circle. “Nobody has ever challenged me when I just fell back on the easy excuse of being a himbo who could skate by on his good looks—no one until Ursula, that is.” Teddy turns his face to Ursula,a weak smile lifting the corners of his lips for an imperceptible second before he turns to Lysander.

“I had always sort of viewed myself a certain way—and not in a good way, definitely in a shitty macho kind of way.” He runs a hand back through his hair with a pained expression. “I’m used to guys like Anton—which is why it was so easy to sink into shitty habits being around him. Talking shit I didn’t mean, acting like I’m hot shit and better than people because—what? How I look? Muscle tone and smooth skin that will be gone in a decade—my strength and coordination a fucking fading memory.” He’s cry-laughing at himself now, and I can’t help but feel for the guy.

It may not be at all similar to my experience, but I can respect that Teddy is baring his soul—telling his truth, and it is costing him dearly.

“I’m a fucking coward because I was afraid for Anton to see us together, I was afraid he’d call me one of those ugly fucking names that kids at school called my moms while I was growing up.” He hiccups down a sob, the tears streaming down his face. “I was worried that he’d make fun of me for being with Ursula—the way shitty guys like him make fun of anyone who doesn’t fit the impossible beauty standards set out by magazines, music videos, and Hollywood.” Teddy wipes at his eyes with the backs of his hands—Mavren and Ronan having left their posts as guardians of the circle to provide physical support to the sobbing Ursula and Lysander, respectively.

“I understand if you can’t forgive me for being such a fucking spineless worm, if you say the word—I’ll pack my bags and never trouble you again.” Teddy does his best to reign in his sobbing, but his body gently heaves with his muted blubbering.

“Are you sorry?” The words come from my mouth before I can take them back—my own voice watery with tears.

Until Lysander mentioned it earlier, I hadn’t consciously realized that I had already begun thinking about Teddy as mypack leader. Technically, it would be a toss up between him and Mavren, the two alphas in our pack—but something about Teddy had just felt so purely alpha…I had begun to imagine him in the position.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” Teddy keens, pressing his palms together as if in prayer as he looks to me in desperation.

“And this is the last time this shit happens, right?” I sniffle indignantly—fixing him with my most piercing stare.

Teddy returns my stare—frozen in place.

“This cowardly, fake self-preservation bullshit ends here. You acknowledge all of your pack members and our relationships to one another,” I assert, Teddy’s hands parting—one of his palms laid over his heart.

“I promise.”

“You put Ursula, your goddamn omega and the very heart of this pack, above everything else.” I continue, my hands balled into fists at my side.

“On my life.” Teddy weeps quietly, his jaw set.

“Your days of shallow fuckboy fuckery are over—Pack Gold is your responsibility, your treasure. You protect each and every one of us and our connection, with your life, from this moment forth—do you swear it?” I press—the air in the room charged with raw emotion.

“I swear it, on my life—on my blood, on my mothers and my mother’s mothers,” Teddy makes his final vow, solemn and steadfast.

The words are no sooner out of his mouth before Ursula flings herself at Teddy and I—her arms flying out to hook us each around the neck—her body convulsing between us with the power of her sobs.

Lysander followed but a second later, Ronan and Mavren regarding me with cautious, exhausted looks—eyes nearly hollowed out from the intensity of the last few minutes; beforethey too, collapse around us—the entirety of Pack Gold tangled in a sniffling, sobbing, snotty group hug.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Mavren

Everybody is so exhausted from the dramatic events of the afternoon that we opt to have dinner in the villa; all of us sharing room service dishes family style, and nursing our shot adrenal systems back to health.

We take regular breaks from packing to lay in the sunken nest bed, Ronan and Ash purring at full blast—Lysander sedating us with his dreamy chamomile-lavender-spearmint scent.

Though I can understand the motivation behind why Lysander asked Ursula about Redthorn and our taking up residence there for the trial heat; I’d be lying if I said it didn’t burn me, that he didn’t at least warn the rest of us. Though, after meeting some of the other contestants from the show yesterday; and if we’re being totally honest, after Teddy’s little soul-searching session—I’m starting to understand why.

Lysander—who clearly stands to inherit quite a large amount of generational wealth at some point, has been reluctant to share the details of his…situation.

More than once of the other omegas and members of their packs had referred to him as the “trust fund kid” or “awkward little rich boy.” Which doesn’t even take into account the fact that more than a few of those omegas gave off distinctly ‘gold digging’ vibes.

Even with all of the soft touch, slow pacing—things are still noticeably ‘off’ by the time we wake the next morning and load into the sprinter van with Timmy and Kimmy, bound for the airport and a direct non-stop flight back to LA.

---