Page 84 of Love Me Fearless

“Does Ava know?” Kirilee’s eyes turn troubled.

I give a shrug but my muscles feel stiff.

“We’re all going to miss you,” she says.

I nod at her bump. “You’re going to be too busy to miss me.”

She’s still looking at me with those puppy dog eyes, like my joke flew right past her. “Do you still write letters?”

I rub the back of my neck. “Not for a while.”I still have all of your letters.After that night in Wolf Creek, she stopped writing. I shouldn’t have let that stop me, but it was too hard.

Instead, I re-read hers. On every mission, I choose one to carry with me. Not for good luck, because that kind of thinking is dangerous, but because having a piece of her along for the ride makes it more meaningful.

“Maybe you could start again.”

“You’re right.”

Kirilee walks into the house, and I give the bathroom a quick check before she gets there. Thankfully, it’s presentable.

When I step out of her way, Kirilee gives me a parting glance. “That morning after the wedding, when you came to my cabin. Do you remember what you said?”

I run a hand through my hair. “Not really.”

She gives me a patient smile. “It was the same thing Ava said.”

“Yeah?”

She reaches out to cup my cheek. “You said ‘I think I’m in trouble.’”

I try to smile but it’s like my face is frozen. “Sounds about right.”

Her eyes fill with kindness. “What’s the trouble you’re soworried about?”

“Hurting her.”

“Is that all?”

I release a slow breath. “Losing her.” I lean back against the wall and cross my arms like it can keep me from unraveling. “Like…really losing her.”

“If we replace ‘trouble’ with ‘love’, does that ring true?”

I think I’m in love.

I pinch the bridge of my nose to keep the sting from spreading to my eyes. “I don’t know.”

She places her hand on my chest. “It’s okay to be afraid, Hutch.”

“I’m not afraid,” I reply, and step back.

With a kind smile, she slips into the bathroom.

I’m in my room changing for a run before I realize that’s the plan. Kirilee leaves the bathroom, and I wait like a coward for her to let herself out, then bound down the steps and take off down the driveway.

When I return, the painting party is gone, the silence reminding me of the ten thousand chores I need to accomplish today. After a quick shower, I check in with Mom, who is thankfully getting released this afternoon, then reheat some leftovers in the microwave. Using my phone’s email app, I clean out my inbox while I scarf them down.

The header written in all caps from the secure sender used for military correspondence sends a jolt down my spine. I force a slow breath to steady my nerves, then open the message.

It’s my orders. And an ultimatum. If I want to rejoin my team deploying to the UK, I have to return to Hulburt Field by Sunday, enough time for me to get fit tested and approved for duty so I can depart with my team.

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