Page 21 of Compelling Urges

“Never mind, Blair. It doesn’t matter. I don’t think I can make it to your appointment today under the circumstances.” He eyed her for any emotion and detected a small sense of relief as he thought,Is she really so embarrassed about seeing her doctor with me along? It makes no sense. I’d think most women would want a partner along for moral support, even if they weren’t together.Aloud, he asked, “Would you rather take a ride share or my car?”

“Oh! You’d be okay if I borrowed your car?”

“Not normally, no. But I understand you need to get there pretty soon, and there may not be enough time to call a car now. I’m sorry I can’t drive you.” Bodhi inwardly shuddered with the thought of her driving his new toy. Then his shudders turned real, and he jumped up and ran to the bathroom for another bout of being sick. When he could finally gather himself together enough to make it back to bed, he found Blair sitting and waiting for him.

“Can I do anything else for you before I leave?” she asked sweetly.

Bodhi wondered why she looked so serene and satisfied, but he chalked it up to her insanity. He retrieved his car key from his discarded pants and handed it to her, swaying slightly. “Do you know how to get driving directions?”

“Of course, silly.” She happily snatched the key and scooted out of the room.

He called out weakly to her, “Be careful.” Wondering if she’d even heard him, Bodhi flopped back into bed and hoped he’d start feeling better soon. Within minutes, he was asleep.

Several hours went by, and when Bodhi awoke, he felt almost normal. He realized he was hungry and reached for the crackers. In doing so, he saw on the clock that it was well past noon, so certainly Blair would be back by now with some news. He wolfed down a handful of crackers and chugged the lukewarm ginger ale. It had a calming effect on his stomach, and he was happy to feel so improved after such a short time.What a weird bug, he thought.But there always seems to be something new going around. Finally, he got up, pulled on a pair of shorts, and wandered down the hall barefoot in search of Blair.

She wasn’t in her room, so he tried the rest of the house. Nope. She was nowhere to be found. He checked and discovered his car was also still gone. Stymied, he fetched his phone and looked up the contact he’d blocked for her. He unblocked and then called it, and it went to voicemail immediately.

When another hour went by and she still hadn’t returned, Bodhi started to pace the house.Where the hell can she be? No doctor’s appointment takes this many hours.Trying to decide what to do, he went outside and sat in the sunny patio where he always felt the best. He even considered grabbing his board and hiking down to the beach, but he was afraid he was still too weak and would disgrace himself after being so sick all morning.

…And then his phone rang. Snatching it up, he didn’t even look at the caller ID when he asked frantically, “Blair?”

He heard a soft chuckle and then a familiar voice say, “No, you big goofball. It’s Ivy. How are you feeling? Any better?”

“Oh, Ivy. Yeah, I’m feeling lots better. I don’t know what that was, but I barfed it out and slept it off. Maybe it was some kind of food poisoning.”

“Hmm. Didn’t we all eat the same stuff last night though? Anyway, doesn’t matter. I’m just happy and relieved to know you’re better. I called because I have some potentially great news for you.”

Bodhi brightened quickly and asked, “What’s that?”

“My friend Casey came into the gallery today. I’ve been asking around for you to everyone I’ve come into contact with lately, and Casey says he knows of someone out in Rancho Santa Fe who has a guest house on their property that they want to rent out. It’s only a couple of years old, fully furnished, and he says he’s seen it and it’s really nice. If Casey says it’s nice, it’s probably gorgeous. Best of all, it’s ready now, so Blair could move right in.” She lowered her voice, even though she was currently alone in the gallery and added, “She can get the fuck out of your hair, and we can get back to…” she cleared her throat, “normal. Isn’t that great?”

There was no response.

“Bodhi?”

Bodhi had heard everything Ivy said, but before he could reply, Blair came through the back door looking even paler than usual. It looked like she had been crying. He had a terrible feeling about this. The phone clattered onto the table as he went to Blair and escorted her gently to a chair.

Ivy could hear Bodhi asking, “Are you all right? Can I get you anything? Is the baby okay? What’s going on, Blair? You’re scaring me.”

Then his voice came back on the line, and he said clearly to Ivy, “I need to call you back. Thanks. Bye.” And the line went dead.

Bodhi looked frantically at Blair who seemed to have shrunken in on herself. Her eyes looked flat, and she was paler than he’d ever seen her. “What’s the matter?” he asked her in as gentle a voice as he could muster.

Eventually Blair seemed to rally a little and looked at him. “I’m sorry, darling. I’ve failed you.”

“What are you talking about?” Bodhi felt his blood run cold. “Did you miscarry? Is there something wrong with the baby?”

“No, I did not miscarry. I’ve been driving around and thinking how I’d break the news to you, and I didn’t get any ideas, so I’ll just say it.”

“What?” he demanded.

“It’s not… not aboy.”

Bodhi jerked back. “That’swhat you’re crying about? You think I care?”

“Well, all men want a son. I thought how special it would be if I gave you that. I thought it would make you…” Her voice dropped to a barely audible whisper, “Love me.”

“Blair, I barely know you. We’ve never had any kind of a relationship, and I am not even particularly attracted to you. I’m sorry if that’s harsh, but it’s the truth. I’ll take care of you and the baby, but I’ll never love you the way you want me to. I can’t. I’m...”

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