Page 69 of Cups of You

“Well, have you tried asking her? Because it seems like to me, you are making a decision based off zero information.”

“Randy—”

“You are allowed to be selfish, Benjamin.”

The use of his whole name had Benjamin pausing. Randy so rarely called him that that it had him lost for words. Randy took advantage of his silence and kept talking.

“I know you like to be the sacrificial lamb and do things for everyone else, but it is okay to fucking do something for yourself, or in this case, someone.”

“Don’t be crass.”

“Man, seriously,” Randy insisted. “You are a wonderful father. Anyone who talks to Liv for half a second can see that. You’re a good man and you deserve to be selfish with at least one aspect of your life.”

“But what if—”

“Fuck the what ifs. If you only did things based on the what ifs, you never would have opened your café and that would have been a mistake.”

Benjamin knew what Randy was saying made sense, but it was still terrifying. Taking this leap had seemed so simple weeks ago, but now that it was here, he was afraid to fall.

But I already have.

The thought was damningly true. He didn’t know exactly when, but Benjamin had fallen for Amber.

She was now one of the first things he thought of when opened his eyes in the morning, and one of the last things she thought of before he went to sleep at night. The addition had been so subtle and yet right there in his face.

He valued his friendship with Amber and the way it made him bold, but it wasn’t only friendship that he wanted. He knew he would regret it if he let his reservations stand in the way.

“Fuck,” Benjamin breathed out heavily. He ran a hand over his face and looked over at Randy. “I messed up, didn’t I?”

Randy snorted. “Yeah. But there’s always time to change it.” He stood up and walked over to Benjamin. “Don’t let her get away, man.” He dropped a hand down on Benjamin’s shoulder and squeezed softly.

Benjamin nodded. “I won’t make the same mistake twice.”

TWENTY-SIX

Amber slammed the car door relishing in the echoing thump that filled the silence of the evening. She was frustrated and more than a little hurt. The conversation with Benjamin left her combing through memories of them together and she couldn’t understand how she might have gotten the direction of their relationship so wrong.

Was she missing something?

It had seemed obvious before tonight that he wanted something more than the casual friendship they had developed over the past few months. So why was he holding back? What was it about Amber that made him hesitate to take that final step that would carry their relationship to the next level?

The anger in her burned out when only the chirps of crickets met her unspoken question. With a heavy sigh, she walked to the house intent on pouring a glass of wine and hiding out in her room until she felt a little less raw. She didn’t even think she would be able to show her face in the café for a few days minimum.

“Might have to make that a few weeks minimum,” she muttered after letting herself in.

“Hey sweetie,” Jackie called out. Amber returned the greeting her voice as flat as she felt. All the energy had been sucked out of her. The step drag sound of Jackie’s cast on the wooden floor wasn’t even enough to pull a smile from her like it usually did.

Amber was in awe at how affected she was. It wasn’t like she had never been rejected in life. She was a catch, and she knew that, but that didn’t mean everyone else always did. Something about Benjamin turning away from the feelings that had been slowly churning between them just hit different. She would get over it eventually, but this one was going to take time.

Amber tried to paste a smile on her face when Jackie came around the corner from the kitchen. Shrewd eyes observed her and when they narrowed, Amber knew she wouldn’t be getting out of this one unscathed.

“Uh oh. What happened?”

The deep breath she took to try to prepare herself to answer was painful. Her chest tightened at the thought of explaining how Benjamin stood silent when she breeched the topic of a relationship. Saying it out loud made it real.

Amber shook her head. “Can we talk about it later, auntie? I’m kind of tired.”

Jackie studied her and Amber let her. There was nothing to hide. She was upset. End of story.

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