Page 22 of Cups of You

“That’s just the television. The only date I have tonight is with a bottle of wine and the Hallmark channel so I can get drunk and happily cry that at least someone gets a happily ever after in their life.”

“Why do you watch those movies if they always make you cry?”

“Because I need love in my life. Not all of us are content to be alone forever.”

That stung.

Benjamin was far from content about being alone, but he didn’t see the point in torturing himself about it. Patrick’s move to Atlanta hadn’t been a surprise since it was far easier to find a community of men who dated other men by sheer population size. Still, Patrick often called him to lament about how hard it was to find a relationship that lasted, so Benjamin figured things were hard for everyone.

It made him feel a little better about still being single even if he felt equally guilty about it. He didn’t want Patrick to stay single, but it did help him feel less alone as their sister was no help. She had been happily married for going on fifteen years now and by all accounts, she and her husband, Tom, were just as in love now as they had been when they first got together.

“I tried to talk about this with Shannon and she told me that maybe my criteria were too high to be realistic. Honestly, is it unheard of to find a guy who is tall, fit, dates gingers, loves his family, and wants to have lots of babies with me?”

Benjamin stayed silent. He didn’t know the right answer here and didn’t want to say the wrong thing and risk getting Patrick all worked up for no reason. It was annoyingly easy to rile him up when he was in one of his moods.

“You think I’m asking for too much, don’t you?”

“Honestly, I don’t know, Pat,” he answered. “I don’t know much about dating men other than what you’ve told me, so I have no idea if your list is too restrictive or not.”

The sigh that floated from across the line sounded as forlorn as Benjamin sometimes felt and he empathized with his brother. Times were hard in the dating world. Focusing on work was far less demoralizing.

“Have you tried online dating?”

“Have I tried online dating he asks. Of course, I have. Grindr. Tinder. I even paid for a couple months of a premium service. Nothing ever panned out for longer than a month or two.”

“Oh. You’ve tried more than I have at least.”

Patrick snorted. “Yeah, and a fat lot of good it’s done me. I’m still single and now I’m a couple hundred dollars poorer. I’m going to die alone.”

Benjamin rolled his eyes as he turned onto Ms. Jay’s street. “You’re being dramatic. You’re only twenty-six. You don’t even have any gray hair yet.”

“Twenty-six is practically ancient these days,” Patrick countered. “If I had known that this is what my life would be like, I would have come out of the closet sooner to start dating when I was still young enough to catch people’s eyes.”

“I, for one, am glad you didn’t. Shannon would have popped anyone who looked your way. You know how overprotective she is.”

Benjamin’s heart began to beat faster when he turned onto Ms. Jay’s driveway. He had never felt this nervous the previous times he had come to visit her.

But this time Amber would be there.

They would be sitting down and having dinner and dessert like they were more than customer and service provider. He squeezed the steering wheel tighter and took a deep breath in.

“Benji? Did you hear me?”

“Sorry, Pat. What did you say?”

“What are you doing?” Patrick asked. “Are you at home?”

Benjamin thought about lying and saying yes just to avoid what he knew would come, but he settled on honesty. “No, I just got to Ms. Jay’s place. She and her niece invited me for dinner, and they are going to taste test some new muffin recipes I came up with.”

“Oh? Is this the niece you think is, and I quote, fucking gorgeous?”

“Who told you—” He stopped himself knowing the answer to that question. “Olivia.”

Patrick chuckled. “You know she sang like a canary. I didn’t even have to prompt her this time. You go on then and have a good night showing off your muffins.”

“Jesus. Why do you make that sound so dirty?”

“Call it a gift. Try not to trip over your own feet when she smiles at you. Have fun!”

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