Page 67 of Cups of You

She watched him wipe his hands on his apron and saw it as a tell that he was uncomfortable. It was strange how she was beginning to be able to read him so clearly.

“What’s wrong?”

Benjamin’s eyes widened. “Nothing. Why would you think something is wrong?”

Amber folded her arms. “Because your daughter says you’ve been acting weird, and I agree with her. Things were fine a few days ago, but suddenly you started acting…shifty. Did I say something to upset you?”

“No,” he replied quickly. “You didn’t say anything. I’ve just been really busy.”

“Right. Busy.” She slowly dropped her arms.Maybe this was a bad idea.He didn’t seem to have anything else to say despite the tension between them. “Fine.”

Amber looked away. She wasn’t about to force him to talk if he didn’t want to even if she knew it was needed.

“Amber, don’t…it’s not what you think.”

She snorted. “I don’t know what to think. You’re not giving me anything to work with here.”

“It’s not you—”

She narrowed her eyes. “Really Benjamin? The ‘it’s not you it’s me’ excuse?”

“It really isn’t you,” he insisted holding up his hands. “There’s just a lot going on with Olivia and her mom, and I didn’t want to drag you into my drama.”

“Drama I can handle. It’s the silence and awkwardness I dislike.”

“But you shouldn’t have to,” he blurted out throwing his hands up. The frustration that must have been building was now on display for Amber to see and it was a relief in a way. “My life is so complicated now with raising Olivia, dealing with her mom, running my business. I just…” He trailed off as he dropped his hands back down to his sides.

“You just…what?”

Benjamin’s shoulders drooped. “I just don’t know if I can do this.” He looked up then and Amber’s breathing came to a halt. She recognized the weary gaze of someone so overwhelmed that something was about to give.

“Do you want this?”

He frowned. “What?”

Amber took a step towards him. She was sure now there was a connection here. This thing between them had grown until it was clear to see so why was he stepping back now?

“This thing between us.” She gazed at him watching for every minute change she could see on his face. She had thought he was simple once, an unfailingly optimistic person with enough hope to carry them both. Now, she realized she had been doing him a disservice. Benjamin’s optimism wasn’t limitless. He used it the same way she used her own caustic words as a shield to keep away the pain of being vulnerable.

It was a shield to keep the pain of vulnerability away.

“Is a relationship with me something that you want?”

His head answered before his mouth did slowly moving up and down. “Yes.”

Amber smiled. “Okay.”

“But I can’t.”

The air was sucked from the room as she tried to understand. “Why not?”

Benjamin’s chest rose and fell as her ran a hand through his hair. “Because of everything. I’m not just me.” He gestured around. “I’m me with boatloads of baggage you shouldn’t have to deal with.”

Amber blinked slowly. “Benjamin, everyone has baggage. I have two dead parents and an asshole of an ex-boyfriend who crashed our first date in my carry-on. Baggage is a part of life.”

“I know,” he agreed. “But this is a lot and it’s selfish of me to want to drag you into it.”

“You aren’t dragging me into anything. We aren’t teens discovering first love here. We’re adults who are fully capable of entering into things with our eyes wide open.”

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