Page 56 of Cups of You

She had always chosen.

She had always sacrificed figuring out what she wanted just for him. Coming back to Millensville was the one selfish decision she had made in a long time and she didn't regret it.

Amber looked up at Josiah and it was like seeing something brand new. The blinders were gone, and she saw him for what he was: arrogant, self-serving, and narcissistic. She found none of those qualities attractive.

“I don't need him to,” Amber said. Josiah laughed the sound humorless and borderline cruel. It was the same laugh he gave when Amber talked about her day or about her memories of home. He wasn't enjoying these experiences with her. He was mocking them.

“You don't need him to.”

“No.” Amber was sure of that. “If I asked, I know he would because unlike you, he is a good person. But I don't need his help to deal with you Josiah.”

She twisted her wrist around breaking his hold with a grunt and bending his fingers for good measure. Josiah’s shout of pain rang out and Amber felt a small sliver of pride at being the one to bring it out. Before she could say anything further, she was enveloped in thick arms that shifted her a few steps away.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Amber smiled as Benjamin tutted over her. He took her hands in his and brought them up. His warm brown eyes darted over her hands before he scowled and looked back at Josiah. It was the first flash of real anger Amber had ever seen on his face and while it was amusing, she didn't like it.

Without a second thought, Amber brought a hand up and cupped his cheek. He froze then looking down at her gaze intense in a way that would have made her knees weak if not for the anger still coursing through her blood.

“I'm fine. Those women's self-defense classes I used to take definitely came in handy though.” Amber patted the beard that had drawn so much of her attention before turning to address Josiah again. His eyes were narrowed and filled with anger, but Amber was no longer swayed by his moods.

“You had your chance, Josiah. You disrespected me for the last time.” Amber wasn't sure if it was her tone or the pain in his fingers that had him changing his angle. Josiah rubbed his fingers as he spoke.

“Don’t do this Amber. We were so good together.” At her huff of disbelief, he held out a hand. “I promise that I will remember to respect you and never do anything to hurt you again.”

It was the same thing he said months ago when she caught him the first time, and in the light of her new feelings it all just rang hollow. To be fooled by those words once might be understandable, but not twice.

“You shouldn’t have to remember to respect her,” Benjamin spoke up. His words shot through Amber like a bolt of lightning. She hadn’t caught the significance of Josiah’s wording before but now it seemed so clear to her. Where he had seemed so sincere before, she saw the cracks in his façade as he scowled at Benjamin.

“Excuse me?”

“He’s right,” Amber said with a soft chuckle at her own realization. “You shouldn’t have to remind yourself to respect me. That isn’t a box to check off every day. The respect should be there whether you are thinking of it or not.”

“I do respect you.” Josiah took a step towards her reaching out. Amber took a step back avoiding his reach. Everything in her now rebelled against his touch. His eyes narrowed. “I can’t believe you’re treating me like this after everything we’ve been through. All the sacrifices I made—”

“You made?” Amber exclaimed. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “What sacrifices did you make? We lived where you wanted to live. We travelled where you wanted to go. I worked around your schedule over and over again so that you could advance to the next level, and where did that leave me?”

“I did sacrifice,” he insisted. “I even called in a few favors and got the foundation to reconsider the director position and choose you instead.”

Amber froze. “You…what?”

“Yeah,” Josiah said. “I did that for you. For us.”

Amber was awash with emotion. She couldn’t understand what she was hearing. That position was…

“No.”

Josiah reeled back as if he had been slapped. “No?”

Amber frowned and looked back up at him. It suddenly seemed so clear to her now. “You didn’t do that for me. You did that for you.”

“How did I—”

“I never wanted that position,” she barreled on not letting him speak. “I liked my position at the library. I liked what I did. I only considered something new because that was what you wanted.”

Josiah grimaced. “You were a branch manager. That’s nothing special. You could be so much more.”

“It was special to me.” Amber was almost vibrating with anger, but she knew what she was saying was the truth and that is what angered her most of all. “I liked what I was doing in that community. I enjoyed working with those kids and I had no desire to be some big wig making decisions from on high.”

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