Page 28 of Cups of You

Jackie gave her an exasperated look. “Never mind child. Get up and get dressed. I left you some breakfast on the stove.”

Amber swallowed hard. What she wanted to do was lie back down, pull the covers over her head, and pretend she didn’t exist, but she knew that wouldn’t fly with Jackie. Amber did feel bad. She couldn’t even remember if she had told Benjamin how she felt about the muffins or not. She couldn’t even remember how they tasted.

“Okay. I'll go shower and be down in just a bit.”

She watched Jackie leave and stared at the back of the closed door. Her head was still full of half-formed memories and she wasn't entirely sure if it was safe to try to stand, but Amber knew she needed to go to Benjamin's cafe to make her apologies. One thing was stuck in her mind thanks to Jackie.

Who the hell was Lindsey, and what did she want with Benjamin?

Amber pulled out of the driveway sunglasses perched on her nose.

The shower and breakfast had done wonders for her state of mind even if they brought back thoughts of why she had gotten there in the first place.

“Stupid. How could I have been so blind.”

The sun was bright and the sky a clear blue that normally would have lifted her spirits. Today though, she hardly glanced around. She needed a big cup of coffee and a damn good book to lose herself in.

She needed to forget yesterday and the aggravation that came with it.

Traffic was light as it always was. Most people worked either closer to town or an hour away in the town surrounding the community college. It was later than she normally got up and outside of being really and truly hungover, Amber was finding herself much more refreshed.

Normally, she fell into bed late after dealing with work and rose early to grab the train. She would have thought the guilt of not being productive would have reared its head, but here she was almost three weeks with no employment, and she felt fine.

She pondered on that for the rest of the short drive to Sweet Beans. Parking was easy as always and she was out of the car as soon as she put it in park. Bittersweet notes drifted in the air beckoning her closer. It was an invitation she would never think to decline.

The café was as welcoming as ever. There were fewer people in than there had been the other times she visited. There was no line and the counter itself was missing a familiar face.

Amber looked over at the only occupied table where two older men sat with a chess board between them. They didn’t bother to look her way both wrapped up in trading barbs and egging one another into making a move.

Amber watched them for a moment enjoying the ease of their interactions. There were some things she did miss about small-town life and the familiarity was one of them.

“Hey.”

Amber felt guilt sharp and potent cycle through her when she heard Benjamin’s voice. It was deeper than before and the feeling of it washing over her was hard to ignore.He sounds like warm hugs.

Benjamin was smiling as he often was, but his eyes looked bruised with heavy bags underneath and his skin was paler than usual. He looked exhausted and Amber knew it was her fault.

“Oh man. You don’t look so good.”

Benjamin chuckled and shook his head. “I feel like death barely warmed over.”

“I am so sorry,” Amber said. She leaned onto the counter and put her head in her hands. The motion pushed her sunglasses up and she pulled them off twirling them in her hands. Apologizing didn’t come easy, but she knew he deserved it. “I should have never pulled the bottle back out.”

“It’s okay. I could have said no to another glass. When you tried to give me a third, I did decline, and you were fine with it.” He scrunched up his face. “You just ended up drinking that one yourself.”

Amber laughed though it held little humor. “I don’t normally drink that much so I don’t know why I thought last night was a good time to start. I am so fucking embarrassed.”

“Hey,” Benjamin said. He curled a large hand around Amber’s wrist. “I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself. After the phone call you got last night, I guarantee anyone would have been in the same boat.”

Amber squeezed her eyes shut. That phone call and the text messages that preceded it still had her seething.

It was after she left the grocery store and started on her way back to the house that Amber had received a text message from her friend, Tasha, who lived down the block from Amber and Josiah’s place back in Chicago. Amber had heard her phone ping but ignored it and each subsequent ping until she pulled into the driveway. If she had known what was to come, she would never have checked the messages at all.

‘What are you doing back? I thought you were in Georgia.’

‘Oh, never mind. I thought I saw you and Josiah at Mosh’s.’

‘Okay. That is Josiah, but the woman holding his hand is definitely not you.’

---