Page 46 of Coincidentally Kismet

-Will

Now I’m sitting in my car like a coward, wondering if I should go in the restaurant or ditch this whole thing and pretend I didn’t see the note. It’s perfectly reasonable to claim a raccoon or snake ate the gift before I came out to hit the gym this morning, isn’t it? No, it’s not. How the hell would they take down that many flowers? But how else do I play off not showing up? Ditching him wouldn’t do much for proving I’m not cold and heartless.

Lo made it clear that she thought Will’s gesture was adorably sweet, albeit over the top. And that I would be the biggest dumbass on the planet if I didn’t take him up on the free lunch and at least hear him out. Our apartment looks like a glorified flower shop now, and she is in heaven. I am too, the flowers are beautiful. Part of me does want to know where this change of heart came from. Was the kissing as good for him as it was for me? Or is this just some ploy for Will to have his fun for a bit and then drop me when something better comes along?

I can’t help but wonder if what I am feeling is just left over from the past. Nostalgia, like when you think back to a childhood memory and it’s the greatest thing ever, but then you experience it as an adult and are sorely disappointed. Have I been holding on to the memories of what we had for so long that I’ve convinced myself there are feelings here? Or is this actually real, with potential to become the all-consuming love that people spend their whole lives searching for?

I’m not usually this much of a nervous Nellie, I swear I’m not. I moved halfway across the country on my own, for God’s sake. Love is something I desperately want. The feeling that you have someone in your corner, someone pushing you to be better and supporting your dreams. Do I really not want to take this chance and place my bets on the creepy Tinder options instead? Ack! I wish there was a way to do this and still make sure I don’t get hurt. Dammit. I’m going in. I owe it to him to at least see what he’s going to say, right?

I push out of my car with a deep breath. I dressed for the occasion, opting for a light blue romper that accentuates my best assets. My hair is down, pin straight. I have my small crossbody purse, and I quickly apply another coat of peach lip gloss in my car’s side mirror. Here goes nothing.

I nabbed a sweet parking spot right out front, so the front door is a quick three steps from the curb. Gently pushing it open, I’m greeted by the smells of freshly baked bread and house-made tomato sauce. The garlic and herbs practically roll over me as I step inside, and it’s impossible not to think of all things romance...and how bad my breath is going to be after this. Thank goodness for breath strips.

The host asks me if I’m meeting someone, and I politely nod. I’ve barely finished when Will sweeps up beside me, leading me to our table on the back patio with his hand placed gently on my lower back. It’s something out of a movie out here. Perfectly placed bistro tables with a view of the water. Fresh flowers on each table, and water in one of those classic glass bottles. Ivy climbs every which way up a wrought iron pergola overhead. It’s breathtaking.

Will smiles at me, and I’m enraptured by him instantly. So much for playing it cool and seeing what he has to say. My nipples are turning into tight peaks, and I’m breathless from the mere sight of him. His tall, muscular frame and deliciousbrownie-colored curls. I could eat him up. That’s how honestly delectable he is.

He has on a blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, revealing his insanely chiseled forearms. Matching chino shorts and boat shoes indicate he went all out for this. He isn’t sporting his casual look, and it appears he even attempted to style his curly hair.

“You look beautiful, Cam,” he says with a hint of a smirk in those ocean-blue eyes.

“Thanks, you clean up pretty good yourself, Rambo,” I say, the words coming out breathlessly.Way to play it cool, Cam.

“Have you ever been here before?” he asks, a hint of nerves lacing his words.

“No, I’ve wanted to come, I hear so many great things about it from clients, but it’s not exactly in budget at my current salary,” I explain.

“I’m so glad we’re here then. It’s amazing and I remember how much you love pasta.” He winks and my panties immediately melt.Down, girl.

“Thanks for asking me to lunch, and for the gifts. What is all this, though?” I motion with my hand between us.

I can’t help but dive right in. I’ve never been good at surprises or mysteries. I have a serious need inside me to know what’s happening and be in control at all times. My family teases me endlessly about being OCD, but seriously—I need to know what to expect, or I will for sure disappoint someone. It’s less OCD and more a compulsive need to people please, if you ask me.

“This is me, hoping you’ll give me a chance. Again,” Will says with a bit of sadness in his eyes.

“A chance for what, though? Things can’t just go back to how they were before. I don’t even know you anymore, not really anyway,” I say, urging him to explain what he wants.

“Exactly, I want a chance to see if this is something. Look, I’m not asking you to be sure or to make any sort of commitment to me. Hell, I don’t even know if I can make a commitment. All I’m sure of is that being with you is like breathing fresh air for the first time in years. You make me happy, you make me laugh, and you make me feel things I had long forgotten how to feel. I don’t know if it’s nostalgia or something more . . . please don’t make me go back to suffocating alone,” he pleads.

Our waiter comes over as relief washes over me. Will just spilled everything right out there in his impassioned speech. Maybe that’s what’s so confusing about it all—we both remember how we used to feel, and focusing on that is clouding what’s true in the present.Honestly, I’m relieved I’m not the only one who’s thought of that.

We order, spaghetti and meatballs for him, and shrimp Fra Diavolo pasta for me. At the last minute, Will adds on an order of homemade mozzarella sticks and a bottle of rosé. He knows I’m a sucker for any form of fried cheese, that hasn’t changed. The rosé surprises me; it is my most recent favorite, but he wouldn’t know that since I’ve never drank it in front of him.

Lo must have tipped him off, cue my internal groan. Her and I are going to have to talk about not giving Will any hints in the future. If this is real, it needs to be authentically him and not the him that’s had someone telling him how to win me over. Also, it’s not at all fair for her to help him—no one’s giving me a Will guidebook.

“So, tell me what you’re thinking in that pretty little head of yours,” he says, and I can tell just how nervous he is.

“I-I think you’re right. I’ve been in my head, wondering if this thing between us is past feelings coming up or if there is something more. I want to see where it goes, but I’m also terrified. I still don’t understand what happened backwhen...well, you know, when you dumped me.” I’m fighting the knot lodged in my throat, willing myself not to cry.

“I know, I owe you an explanation. The thing is, I don’t even know if I really have one.” He shifts in his seat, nervously playing with his napkin.

“Just try, Will. I’m the one taking all the risk here, you have to give me something.” Pleading with him, I take a big gulp of water to ease the tightness in my throat.

“Is that what you think? That I don’t have anything at risk?” He rears back as if I slapped him, stunned at my statement. “Cam, I never stopped loving you. I-I know that I said I did back then, but I didn’t mean it. I was scared and young, and so stupid. I thought that if I ended things, I was saving us both, protecting us from whatever harm was to come.”

“I-I don’t know if I believe you.” Tears well in his eyes, I can see the defeat taking over. “I want to believe you, I want to try. It’s just that you walked away when things got hard. You didn’t trust me to tell you what I needed or wanted. You just decided, and that was that. I’m not that young, naive girl anymore. It’s going to take time for me to adjust, and you can’t keep things from me or make decisions for me. I won’t have it.”

Will reaches around under the table, grabbing the seat of my chair and pulling me closer over to his side. He wraps his hand around mine and stares into my eyes. “There is no one else that lights up my world the way you do. You are the brightest spot in all of my days, the one that I think about when my days are tough or the nights are long. I don’t know why fate brought you back to me or what I did to deserve it, but please, I’m scared to death. Give me a chance.”

---