Page 92 of Serial Burn

Eli hesitated, then nodded. “Okay.”

“You know you can’t be alone for a while. You need counseling. Help to work through this.”

His brother fell silent. “I know that’s the protocol and we can follow it, but honestly, the fact that you thought something was wrong and came here to check on me is more than...” His throat worked and he cleared it. “More than enough. I have hope now. Whereas before, I didn’t.” He paused. “I mean, I just didn’t know I did. Never mind.”

“There’s always hope. You’re my brother and I love you. I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you.” The words were hard to say. He meant them and he knew they were true. And Eli needed to hear them.

“Even though I did what I did?”

“Even though.”

“So you forgive me? That’s biblical, right? Forgiving those who’vewronged you? ‘Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors,’” he whispered. “Can you forgive me for what I did?”

“I...” Could he? “Yeah. Yes, of course it’s biblical, and yes, I forgive you.” His hands fisted, but he forced the words out. “I’m making the decision to forgive you. My heart might not be completely behind it yet, but it’ll get there. You know as well as I do that forgiveness is a decision, not necessarily a feeling. The feeling will come. But we will get through this. We will. I want that and I need you to believe that.”

Eli nodded and more tears coursed. He sniffed and used his sleeve to scrub his face. “I haven’t cried since that night,” he said. “I was afraid if I started, I wouldn’t stop.” Another tear leaked out. “Looks like I was right.”

Nathan refused to let his own tears fall. “One more thing.”

“What?”

“I need you to forgive me.”

Eli gaped. “What for?”

“For being a dumb kid and being selfish. For wanting my own way that night and not caring what anyone else said. Including you.”

More tears tracked his brother’s cheeks, but he nodded. “Of course,” he rasped.

Nathan squeezed Eli’s shoulder. “We’ll get through this,” he said again, “but you have to swear you’ll talk to me if you feel like picking up a gun again—or any other weapon.”

“I will. I don’t know what came over me. I know ending things isn’t the answer. I wouldn’t want to do that to Mom and Dad or Carly. Or you. I wasn’t thinking clearly, obviously. I don’t want to die, Nathan, I just want things to get better.”

“And they will. From this moment forward. Okay?”

Eli sniffed again, but nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

“I still want you to see someone.”

“I will.”

“Good. Make the appointment.”

“Now?”

“Yes. And put the phone on speaker.”

Eli’s eyes glittered with more unshed tears, but he actually barked a short, humorless laugh. “Okay.” He made the call, and Nathan listened as his brother told his friend and fellow psychiatrist what had happened. The fact that he held nothing back gave Nathan hope that Eli was serious about getting help. He hung up. “He can meet with me tonight after his last client.”

“Good.” He patted his brother’s shoulder. “Now, for the next step. We need to tell Carly about this.”

Eli frowned. “Why?”

“You need the support of the family. I understand if you don’t want to tell Mom and Dad, but Carly and Kip need to be a part of your support system. What would you tell one of your clients?”

After a few seconds of silence, Eli said, “The same.”

“Exactly.”

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