Page 53 of Evergreen Christmas

“But the thought of it’s nice, just the same,” she said, hefting the basket higher in her arms again, the weight of it digging into the soft skin of her forearms.

“Here.” He reached out, grabbed the basket and lifted it from her arms. “Why don’t we go put this down and give your arms a break?”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

How formal they were being, considering that less than twenty-four hours before, they’d been kissing on the floor of a barroom.

Oh, for heaven’s sake! Stop thinking about the kiss, girl. Focus on being calm and collected.

“I was pleasantly surprised when Roxie called me this morning.” She followed him into the kitchen, watching as he set the basket of gingerbread ingredients on the island. “When we spoke, I didn’t think to ask if it was okay with you if I came over. I was just so excited at her invitation, considering the gingerbread contest is tomorrow and my oven’s still broken and all.” She picked at the hem of her sweater. “Do you mind? That I came here today, I mean?”

“No.” He faced her then, his gaze clinging to hers, his blue eyes intense. “Not at all.”

“Good.” She sighed. “Because I was hoping—”

“I wanted to—”

They both fell silent, staring at each other. After a moment, Jordyn gestured for him to continue.

“I’m glad you came today,” he said. “I wanted to . . .” His chest lifted on a deep inhale. “I wanted to apologize to you for my behavior last night.”

Oh, no. No, no, no! She didn’t want an apology from him; she wanted—

“I shouldn’t have . . .” His cheeks flushed a deep scarlet red. “I shouldn’t have done a lot of things, I suppose. But I especially shouldn’t have done them in the middle of the contest or on the floor of a bar in front of everyone.”

“Do you . . .” She glanced around, taking in the empty kitchen and hallway nearby, then continued in a low voice, “Do you regret kissing me?”

He moved closer, his tan hand sliding across the countertop of the island, stopping inches from her arm. After what seemed like a silent eternity, he said softly, “No. Of all the things I do regret about last night, that’s the one thing I don’t.” He grimaced. “I just wish I’d chosen a more suitable location and time.”

She ducked her head, trying to hide her smile, but the pleasure that bubbled up from her middle at his words was difficult to contain. “Good. Because I don’t regret it either.” She looked up then, holding his gaze as she smiled. “I rather enjoyed it.”

He smiled back. “I did, too. Very much.” But then, his smile faded and he looked away, his fingers moving nervously against the edge of the countertop. “But I don’t want you to think I don’t still have reservations—because I do.” His eyes returned to hers and a muscle in his jaw ticked. “You see, there’s more to this than just you and me. I have a daughter. A daughter I need to consider in all my choices. And what I did last night . . .” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “That’s not exactly the example I’d like to set for her.”

“I understand,” she whispered. “You’re a good father, Nate. No one can dispute that.”

“Thank you. But I’m not as good a one as I could be.” His hand lifted toward her, then stopped briefly in midair before continuing its journey, his fingers trailing through the long waves of her hair as he said softly, “I won’t lie to you, Jordyn. I do feel very strongly for you.” He moved even closer, his palms cupping her face. “And I do still want to kiss you.” One corner of his mouth lifted. “A lot . . . in every way.”

A soft sigh of relief escaped her lips, and she stepped closer to him, lifting her own hands and curling them around his forearms. “And I still want you to kiss me.”

He fell silent, his thumbs drifting over her cheeks. Then he looked down at her hands, which were still curled around his forearms, released her and stepped away. “I just don’t know that I’m ready for this.”

Jordyn stilled, her heart hammering against her chest. “You’re not ready? Or your heart isn’t ready?”

He held her gaze, a guarded expression crossing his face. “Both.” A groan escaped him as he rubbed his forehead. “I loved Macy very much—I still do. I don’t know that I’m truly ready to let her go yet.”

Even when I can love you? As much as she did?Jordyn froze, the thoughts flitting through her mind making her breath stall in her lungs. Love? Was that really how she felt about him?

She stood there before him in the silence, considering it. And then, her pulse slowing and breath returning, she could admit it . . . at least to herself.

Yes. She loved him. She loved Nate Reed. From the moment she’d met him, it seemed.

Not that she was sentimental or believed this kind of thing was common. But she couldn’t deny how she felt about him. And she didn’t want to.

Yet he was standing right in front of her, telling her he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship. Or if he was even ready to let his late wife go.

So . . . where did that leave her?

“Please understand,” Nate said softly. “I’m trying here. I’m really trying. I just don’t know how much of my heart I have left to give. Or how much of it I’m willing to risk, considering that every decision I make regarding my life directly affects my daughter in some way.”

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