Page 34 of Evergreen Christmas

Nate smothered a groan and leaned more heavily against the wall behind him. He took his time tugging off his gloves and beating them together to shake off the shavings that clung to the sweaty material. “This isn’t something I want to discuss right now. Or . . . possibly ever.”

Smile fading, Tucker nodded. “I’m aware of that. But it’s hard to ignore the fact that you’re having a hard time shaking off your fascination with our new neighbor.”

Nate frowned. “What’re you talking about? Jordyn just got here barely a week ago—”

“I’m talking about the overarching issue here, brother.” Tucker crossed his arms over his chest, too, his mouth flattening into a stubborn line. “It’s not like we haven’t had this conversation before, so how about you don’t play coy with me right now?”

“What do you want me to say?” Nate tensed, holding his breath in his lungs for a moment, then inhaling deeply to tamp down his temper. “Are you wondering if Jordyn has caught my eye? Yes. She did—briefly. You wanna know what she asked me at the Candy Cane Fishing contest? She asked if I’d be interested in dating her and possibly pursuing a romantic relationship, and I gave her the same answer I’ve given every other woman who’s posed a similar question to me over the past six years. My answer didn’t seem to go over well with her, but being the mature and understanding woman she is, she accepted it graciously and moved on. As did I.”

Tucker, a stoic expression on his face and his burly arms still crossed over his chest, continued staring at him.

“There,” Nate said. “You’ve got the whole juicy story now. Does that make you happy?”

As Tucker continued his silent stare, Nate shifted from one boot to the other uncomfortably, then glanced at the open doorway of the stable, his gaze focusing on the field beyond.

It had been three days since the Candy Cane Fishing contest. The snow had melted along the foothills of the mountains, the sun shined a bit brighter than it had in weeks and the temperature, though frigid, had crept up a few degrees, lending the barest hint of warmth to the air. The combination of cold air, full sun, and a steady breeze made for a perfect winter’s day, the kind he would normally enjoy with Tucker and Roxie. In the past, the three of them would bundle up, climb into his truck, and drive to town to spend the afternoon strolling along the busy sidewalks, window shopping, enjoying the holiday decorations and grabbing a sweet snack or two along the way.

But today, he couldn’t quite shake the irritation he’d felt when Jordyn had sat opposite Mason Walker at the Candy Cane Fishing contest, laughing as though Mason was the most delightful acquaintance she’d made in her life.

“Mason’s got nothing on you, man,” Tucker said quietly.

Nate’s eyes shot back to his brother, the younger man’s uncanny ability to read his thoughts as surprising as ever.

“It wasn’t difficult to notice,” Tucker added. “I saw her sit with you during the contest, exchange a few words, then move to his table. You barely took your eyes off either of them the entire time. I could practically see and hear the steam whistling out of your ears.”

“Oh, Lord.” Nate rubbed his forehead. “Was I that obvious?”

Tucker tilted his head, considering this, then nodded. “Yeah. Your grinchy, green-eyed envy was on full display. At least to me.”

Nate closed his eyes, his face burning.

“Come on,” Tucker said. “It’s not like that’s a bad thing.” His tone changed, gentling on his next words. “It’s been six years, Nate. I know you loved Macy something fierce and that y’all had something special, but she’s been gone for some time now and I know she wouldn’t hold it against you if you were to move on.”

Nate clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth together to distract himself from the gnawing ache of grief and guilt that spread through his chest. “I don’t want to move on.”

“I know,” Tucker said softly. “It’s much easier to just hide out, isn’t it? Dig yourself a hole, pull the dirt in over your head and pretend things are just great the way they are. Tell yourself that you’re content with reminiscing over what you had because you don’t want or need more than you’ve got.”

Nate looked at him then, his mouth twisting. “I don’t expect you to understand. You’ve never been married, never had a child or—”

“Never been the man you are,” Tucker finished for him, a muscle flexing in his jaw.

Nate shook his head. “That’s not what I was saying.”

“I know. You’d never say it out loud, but you don’t have to. It’s always been there between us—your disapproval of me and how I behave. Loud and clear.”

Nate leaned his head back against the stall and stared at the ceiling of the stable, sweat trickling down the back of his neck. “Can we please not do this now? I don’t feel up to arguing at the moment.”

“We’re not arguing. We’re having a conversation. The kind I wish we’d have more often, to be honest with you. You bottle things up so tight, you never give yourself a chance to just relax and breathe.”

That, unfortunately, was true.

On more than one occasion, Nate had shut Tucker down, refusing to answer his brother’s questions about what he wanted out of life, how he was dealing with the grief of losing Macy, and what he thought the future might hold for him. But he didn’t hold back talking with Tucker deliberately. It was just too painful to discuss the loss of his wife and too scary to face his future without her.

“I’m not trying to be difficult, Tucker. I’m just trying to take my time with things. Trying to get my feet under me before I even think about changing my life.”

“And how long will that be? It’s been six years.”

“And Roxie is still a little girl.” Nate bit his lower lip to still the tremor in his chin. “Do you know how hard it is to think about bringing another woman into her life? She never even had a chance to meet Macy. Never got the opportunity to know what it would feel like to have a mother or how wonderful a mother Macy would’ve been. And you want me to think about bringing another woman into her life simply to suit my needs? Potentially involving someone else whose ways might not fit in with the way Roxie likes things? A woman who might not sacrifice her own interests for Roxie the way Macy would have? A woman who might change her mind down the road or—”

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