Page 41 of Lost in the Light

“You like Kane?” Eli asked as he turned to face me now.

“God, I can’t believe you guys are going to make me have this conversation,” I groaned as I closed my eyes in embarrassment.

“I just want to know what’s going on, sweetheart. I know I have no right to ask, but I just want to protect you.”

I opened my eyes and looked between the two of them. They looked concerned again and I knew I needed to come clean, even if the thought of it mortified me.

“I…I guess I have feelings for Kane,” I shrugged. “And Adam. And Jordan.” Best to just lay it all out there, I decided.

“For all of them?” Eli seemed surprised.

“Has anything happened? They haven’t pressured you in any way, have they?” Asher demanded, his soft tone becoming sharper.

“No. They haven’t pressured me at all, and even if they did, I’m a big girl, Asher. I know I seem weak, but I can stand up for myself sometimes,” I argued, feeling a little annoyed with him.

“Of course you can. I’m sorry, Addy. I just worry about you. I cant seem to stop myself from being overprotective,” Asher apologized.

“It’s fine,” I sighed. How could I stay annoyed when he looked so genuinely worried about me? “And to answer the other question, nothing has really happened. I know they have feelings too, but Kane told me he would never act on them, and Jordan told me how he feels, but he’s left the ball in my court for now. I have no idea how Adam feels, but I think he returns my feelings too.”

“What do you want, shortcake? Do you want to date one of them? Are you ready for that?” Eli questioned.

“I like all of them so much,” I admitted shyly. “God, I sound pathetic!”

“Just talk to us. We’re here to listen,” Eli encouraged.

“Jordan’s been talking about a relationship between all of us, or at least me, him, and Adam, since Kane refuses to break his promise to you,” I said as I nodded to Asher.

“What promise?”

“Kane told Ash that he’d protect me with his life, and he says he can’t do his job properly if he has feelings for me. Since he won’t let Asher down, he told me he can’t be with me,” I explained to Eli.

“But you want him, don’t you?” Eli pushed.

“Yes! No! I honestly don’t know!” I cried as I covered my face and took a breath. “I’ve only had one relationship before and that was a joke, but these feelings I have. They’re so strong, and when the guys are with me I just feel…calmer, I guess. They make me feel this peace when they’re with me and I want that. The idea of a four person relationship terrifies me, but it also sounds so idyllic.”

“What’s making you question it all so much?” Asher asked. I looked to him, worried he’d look angry or disgusted, but his face remained neutral and calm.

“Me. You guys know what a mess I am right now. I…I don’t know if I could handle a normal relationship, let alone one with three guys. How could I ever make any of it work when I’m as messed up as I am?”

“You’re not messed up! Don’t talk about yourself like that!” Eli snapped, startling me with his sharp tone. When I turned to him his face softened and he half smiled. “Sorry, I just hate hearing you say stuff like that. You’re strong. You need to have more faith in yourself.”

“This is all pointless anyway, since Kane already said no, and Adam might not even be into me. Who knows, maybe these feelings are just another sign of me losing my sanity?” I laughed dryly.

“I can’t say anything about your feelings, sweetheart. Only you know what you truly feel, but I will have a talk with Kane. I want to ensure he knows he’s free of the promise he made me, if he needs to be.” Asher said, taking me by surprise.

“You’re not mad?” I asked.

“Not mad. Worried? Yes. I think this is a troubled time for you to be making any major life decisions. However, if you do have feelings for the three of them and you want to try to make things work, I can think of no better men I would entrust with my precious sister,” he added, making me feel all choked up instantly.

“I agree. They’re all good guys and they’d take care of you the way you deserve, but this all has to be your decision, Addy. It moves at your pace, always. And if any of them try to push you, I want you to come to us right away, okay?” Eli added

“Okay,” I nodded, tearful once again.

“And I will need to give them the obligatory big brother warning that if they hurt you, I’ll kill them,” Asher added, making me laugh tearfully. “Just don’t feel rushed, okay? Eli’s right. You are the one that matters most. You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“And no matter what happens, you will always have the both of us on your side. We love you.”

“We do, “ Asher agreed. “Very much. Never doubt that.”

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