Page 36 of Lost in the Light

“She will be. Let’s just get home to her, okay? And don’t mention any of that facility bullshit to Addy. She’ll feel like you’re rejecting her, just like everyone else in her life has.”

“I wouldn’t do that. I love her.”

“I know that, but does she? You need to prove to her that, no matter what, you will always be there for her. Sending her away will break her fucking heart.”

“Do you have feelings for Addy?” Asher asked me as he stood taller and looked to me with a glare.

“What does it matter? I’m her protection. I made you a promise and I will never break it.” With that I strode away from him and to the other SUV. I was done fucking talking. I wanted to get home and check on Addy. I needed her to be safe and settled, even if I could never be what she needed.

CHAPTER 11

ADDY

I had barely stopped shuffling across the floor away from the door when I found myself wrapped tightly in Eli’s arms. He had fallen to his knees beside me and he was holding me so tightly I could barely breathe. Not that I was doing so well on the breathing front anyway.

I’d been stuck in what felt like the longest anxiety attack I had ever had, for a really long time, to the point where I had started to doubt that I would ever be able to pull myself back out of it.

Eli, Jordan, and Adam had both been outside the door at different points trying to talk to me and encourage me to open the door, but most of the time I hadn’t even been able to hear them, the noise in my head drowning out reality and dragging me deeper and deeper into the carnage in my mind.

I hadn’t even known how to get out, no matter how badly I had wanted any one of the guys at the door to come in and just hold me. I couldn’t seem to find the strength to fight the dark thoughts that were telling me, over and over, that everyone I cared for was going to get hurt, or worse, all because of me, to call out to them for the help I so desperately needed.

Hearing Asher’s voice had helped. Just to know he was safe had allayed some of my darkest fears, but then Kane had been speaking. His voice just seemed to wrap around me and wrenchme away from that darkness. Even when that darkness tried to pull me back, Kane didn’t let me go. His firm voice made me fight harder until I had finally found my way out enough to open the damned door.

“Christ, you scared me, shortcake,” Eli said with relief as he held me against him. I managed to move one of my trembling arms around his back, hoping to soothe him too.

“Are you okay, princess? Are you hurt?” I looked up and found Jordan and Adam both knelt on the floor too, either side of Eli.

I shook my head, then hid against Eli’s shoulder again. I was shaking so hard my teeth chattered, and my heart was racing. The tingling in my finger tips and toes had been going on for hours and it wouldn’t stop either.

“You’re freezing, Addy,” Eli commented as he pulled back and reached for a blanket from the bed. He wrapped it around me, only dropping his arms from around me long enough to cover me, then I was pressed against him again.

“Let’s go to the living room. I’ll turn on the fire and we can get it nice and cozy, okay?” Adam suggested.

“I’ll grab some more blankets,” Jordan volunteered as he stood and raced away. I wanted him to come back. It didn’t feel the same with him gone. I wanted him to be where I could see him. I wanted Adam too. And Kane. And Asher. I just wanted them all where I knew they were safe and protected.

“Can you talk to me, Addy? Tell me what’s going on?” Eli almost begged. I knew I should. I knew I was scaring him. Scaring all of them, and I felt bad about it, but I just didn’t even know where to begin voicing the pain I felt inside.

Instead I just lay my head against his shoulder and sank even deeper against him. I was exhausted, confused, and terrified of my own dark thoughts. I was terrified of myself! How had I allowed things to take such a deep dive into utter darkness, and where was the safety line that I needed to grab on to, to get myself back out again?

“Okay, sweetie. No talking now,” Eli agreed as he stood while still holding me in his arms. “We don’t need to talk until you’re ready. I’m here though, okay? I’ve got you,” he said, his words so gentle and genuine. He was the most amazing brother and I had no idea what I would do without him and Asher there for me all of the time.

When we got to the living room, Eli placed me down on the sofa beside Jordan. He was unfolding blankets from a pile he had retrieved from somewhere. As soon as I was seated he started laying them over me.

“Gotta get you warm, beautiful,” he uttered as he laid the fourth thick blanket over me. Someone had turned on the electric fire, mounted on the wall, and the whole room felt toasty warm already.

“You okay with Jordan while I heat you up some soup?” Eli asked. I lifted my eyes to meet his and gave him a single nod.

“Enough,” I said to Jordan when he went to lie another blanket over me. I placed my hand over his to still him before he suffocated me. “I’m warm now.”

“Sorry,” he said as he put down the blanket he was clutching and seemed to realize how covered I was. “I guess I got carried away. I was just worried.”

“Will you just hold me? Please?” I whispered instead. I could already feel the darkness pulling me down again now Eli had released me, and it terrified me.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he joked as he slid his arms around me and lifted me up, blankets and all, and set me in his lap. “You still feel half frozen,” he remarked as I laid my back against his front and tried to take deeper breaths.

Jordan wrapped all of the blankets tighter around me, then ran his hands over them, up and down my arms, trying to warm me. I didn’t particularly care about the cold, but the feel of his hands running over my arms was soothing.

Moments later Adam appeared before me. He dropped to his knees and smoothed a hand over the top of my head, taming some wild strands of hair from my face in the process.

---