Page 23 of Lost in the Light

“How did my life become this crazy?” I asked quietly.

“Right now, all you have to think about is sleeping. Forget everything else and just be here in this moment with me,” Jordan soothed as he wrapped one arm tightly around me and rubbed his free hand up and down my arm gently.

“I can do that,” I gave in as I closed my eyes and focused on nothing but his touch and the sound of his heart beating. Perfect moments like that almost made me forget about the hell that would await me with the next screaming nightmare or horrifying flashback. Being with the guys I was falling for almost made me feel like I was normal for once. I lived for those moments.

***

The sun was just starting to rise outside the bedroom window when I opened my eyes. I realized I must have forgotten to close the blinds in all the chaos of the previous day.

I was still laid out on top of Jordan, and he had both arms banded tightly around me as he quietly snored. I’d slept peacefully with no nightmares, so I was feeling a little better than I had before, but my throat was painful again, feeling like those shards of glass were back in there with every swallow I took.

As soon as I stirred, desperate to get up for a drink of water, Jordan gripped me even tighter and started to stir too. He opened one eye and glanced down at me, making me smile. He looked adorable all sleep mussed and drowsy.

“You okay?” he rasped.

“My throat. I just need some water. Go back to sleep,” I whispered.

“I can get it for you,” he released his grip and moved to grab me, but I sat up and slid from him quickly, stopping him.

“I’m okay. Promise,” I assured him as I ran a hand through his wild hair and smiled. “Sleep. It’s early.”

“’kay,” he sighed as he laid back again, his eyes already heavy. “Yell if you need me,” he uttered, but I was pretty sure he was asleep again before he finished the last word. I grabbed a blanket from the foot of the bed and covered him over, worried he’d feel cool without me crushing him. I couldn’t stop myself from bending down and placing a feather light kiss on his cheek.

He looked so peaceful and relaxed. I couldn’t stop my mind from wondering what it would be to wake up next to him on a regular basis, just like this moment.

That had my mind venturing further. What would a life with him and Adam be like? Could we have a future together? Would that kind of relationship allow us to have the ideal life I pictured for myself with a white picket fence, rockers on the porch, and maybe even a couple of adorable kids? I could picture it in my head.

Jordan and Adam would both be the most amazing fathers. I could see us all together, happy and in love, but there was someone else in my perfect scenario. Kane. I didn’t understand it, but part of me just felt the picture could never be complete without all three of the guys in it.

I sighed deeply as I pulled myself from my insane thoughts and got to my feet. I seriously needed to get it together. There were far bigger and more important things to worry about than my love life, like the fact part of our home was blown up the day before, or the countless powerful people likely planning my death as I stood day dreaming.

Since I didn’t have any of my clothes to change into, I skipped getting ready all together and instead just grabbed another blanket from the bed, wrapping it around myself.

Thankfully, I was less chilled than I had been the night before, but the apartment was still much cooler than the house I had come to consider my home.

I tiptoed down the long hallway and into the open plan living space. The sun was shining brightly through the huge windows, despite the fact the city below was blanketed in white.

I glanced to the sofa and was relieved to find Kane fast asleep, even if he did look a little awkward on the too narrow cushions. He needed to rest after all he’d been through the day before. I just wished he’d listened to Asher and stayed in one of the bedrooms, but knowing Kane he’d likely been too worried about security to do that.

Leaving him in peace I rounded a tall shelf unit that divided the spaces and headed for the kitchen.

“Hey Addy,” Adam whispered, startling me. I looked up and found him stood in the kitchen making coffee. Asher and Eli were up too, both of them seated at the counter in the clothes they’d obviously slept in and looking exhausted.

“You’re up early, sweetheart?” Asher said as he lifted his head and forced a smile for me. He looked pale and there were dark smudges under his eyes. It took me aback. I had never seen him look so unkempt. Even our stressful days in Vegas, he hadn’t looked this bad. And Eli wasn’t fairing much better, as he looked to me too, his eyes bloodshot, and thick stubble covering his jaw.

“Did either of you get any sleep at all?” I gasped as worry filled me.

“It was a tough night,” Eli told me with a yawn.

“We’re fine. Did you sleep? I didn’t hear you coughing much?” Asher asked, dismissing my concern.

“The coughing’s a bit better. I slept okay. It’s you I’m worried about,” I explained. My voice was hoarse and every word hurt, but there was no way I was giving either of them anything else to worry about.

“I’m so sorry about last night. I think it was the explosion. It must have stirred up some memories. It won’t happen again.” Asher was focused on me entirely as he spoke and all I could see on his face was embarrassment and guilt.

“I wasn’t scared, Asher.” I moved over and wrapped my arms around his shoulders in a hug. “I’d never be scared of you. I know you wouldn’t hurt me. I was just worried about you. The guys had to fight you to stop you and I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“No one got hurt, baby. Asher’s just a tough sonofabitch and when he’s filled with adrenaline like he was last night, it’s not easy to take him down,” Adam explained.

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