Page 56 of Lost In The Dark

“So let me get to know you. I’m not proposing. I’m not even asking for a date. I know you’re not ready, and I didn’t mean for things to go as far as they did a moment ago. I just needed you to know that I have feelings for you, and that when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting. In the mean time I’m here, as your friend,or whatever you need. I just…I feel this pull to you, like you were made for me and I refuse to walk away from that. Do I sound crazy?”

“No. I get it. I f-feel something too, but I just don’t think it can ever go anywhere. I’m sorry Jordan. I’m just too messed up,” I sighed.

“Stop saying that. You’re not messed up. You’re traumatized, and you have a right to be. It’s going to take time to deal with that, but I know you will because you’re strong and tough, more so than you know. I believe in you, beautiful,” he said with such confidence. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head, as if cementing his words.

It was hard to believe what he said, but he’d said it with so much reverence, it made me want to believe it. It made me want to be as strong and tough as he saw me, just so I wouldn’t let him down.

“You want some hot chocolate?” he asked, changing the subject, much to my relief.

“Have you ever seen me say no to chocolate?” I replied with a grin.

“Come on,” he took his arm from around me, and instead took my hand, pulling me from the path which had been shoveled, and into the deep snow that covered what I assumed was the grassy areas. We came to a picnic bench piled high with about a foot of snow and Jordan started clearing it all from the top. He took off the backpack he wore on his shoulder and pulled out a blanket.

“I knew he would have packed one,” Jordan laughed as he laid it out on the wet table. “He doesn’t trust me to keep you warm. Stillthinks I’m the same clumsy six year old who broke his cell phone tripping over my own feet.”

“Well, you do kind of become six years old again when the candy comes out,” I joked.

“Hey. That’s not fair. Everyone feels six years old again when they eat candy,” he mock pouted. I was startled when he wrapped his hands around my hips and lifted me onto the blanket covered table, but I didn’t panic. I trusted him.

“Maybe if they eat as much as you do.”

“You’re one to talk. Not so delicate when you get a hold of a bar of chocolate are you?” he laughed.

“Anyone who can open a bar of chocolate and not eat the whole thing is missing out on life,” I pointed out, and he just laughed.

He settled on the table top beside me and handed me a cup of steaming hot chocolate. He had one too, and even though the air around us was freezing cold, it was a wonderful moment. The area of the park we sat in was quiet, any sound around us muffled by the deep snow. The sun was shining and Jordan had one arm around me to keep me warm. It was exactly the kind of ‘living’ that I wanted to be able to do, and I felt so content as we laughed and joked, keeping the conversation light. The only thing ruining it was the constant feeling of Kane behind us. I could imagine the scowl on his face as he glared at us. I just didn’t understand if it was because he was jealous or pissed we were keeping him from other jobs.

“I guess we should pack up. I’ll be in trouble if I let you get too cold,” Jordan declared as he started putting the thermos and the mugs back into the backpack when we were finished.

“I’m really glad you talked me into doing this. Thank you. You were right – I needed to get out,” I told him as I handed him my empty cup and sent him a grateful smile.

“I’m glad you trusted me enough to come. Maybe next time we could try the zoo or something?”

“I’d like that,” I agreed as I got to my feet, wincing a little at the pain that still smarted from my ribs. They were getting better but it seemed to be taking forever.

“You okay?” Jordan asked. I turned to look at him, but before I could utter a reply, heat rushed over me, then everything just went black.

KANE

I was so close to losing my shit and I knew it. If Jordan grabbed her, or even just smiled at her in that fucking charming way he had been all morning, once more, I was going to snap and lose it.

They’d almost fucking kissed! Almost, because I’d yelled and stopped them. I knew it made me an asshole, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I was so fucking jealous. Which only made me a bigger asshole.

I had been a dick to Addy last week when I told her I was her security, not her friend, but I was just so messed up when it came to her, and pushing her away to keep her out of my life seemed to be the only way to handle it. Then I saw her face when I had said those bitter words and I had hated myself instantly. She had been crushed, thinking I was a friend, only to find out I was nothing but a complete bastard.

I should have chased her and apologized, but I had stopped myself, so sure it was better that way. If she hated me she’d keep her distance, and then maybe I could get over these insanefeelings I had for her. I barely even knew her, for fuck’s sake, and yet I could not stop thinking about her. I knew I couldn’t have her, and yet the idea of anyone else having her sent me into a tail spin. It was all just so messed up and I had barely slept a wink all week trying to deal with it. The resulting exhaustion was just adding to the complete asshole I was being with her and I knew she didn’t deserve that. She had been through enough.

“ADDY!” I jolted from my thoughts and looked to where she and Jordan had been just a moment before. She was laid out in the snow, and Jordan was over her, clearly panicked.

What the fuck had I let happen? I’d got lost in my thoughts and something had happened. Had she been shot? This was why I had tried to push her away! I couldn’t do my job and have feelings for her.

“Kane!” Jordan yelled, pulling me from my damned thoughts again. I ran and dropped into the snow beside her. Jordan was holding her hand and trying to wake her.

“What happened?” I roared as I started running my hands over her body in search of a bullet wound.

“I don’t know! She stood up and winced. I asked her if she was okay and she just dropped. Do something!” he cried as he looked to me with nothing but fear on his face.

Not finding any bullet wounds, I pulled off my glove and felt for her pulse. It was there but barely.

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