Page 7 of Whispers in the Dark

Dear Diary,

I have made a huge mistake and I’m not sure what to do about it. The very thing I wasn’t supposed to do has happened. I’ve caught feelings for Him and I don’t know how long, or even if, Ican keep it to myself. I’ve never been one to hold in my feelings, and we all know my poker face is non-existent. At some point, I fear something will slip and then it will be all over. I will have breached the agreement with Him. I know I am on borrowed time at this point.

I felt sad for Blair. I knew she had wanted to find love. She had told me numerous times that she wanted to find “the one”. Didn’t most of us want that? It was just so hard to form emotional attachments to people because we both had trust issues thanks to our narcissistic mother.

I read page after page of Blair’s musings. She was beginning to come off as a bit frantic in this particular volume. She was truly worried about being discovered and subsequently kicked out of Lotus. She’d said that a few times before in other diaries, but in this one, she actually mentioned the assignment and being undercover. Undercover? Undercover for what? I associated undercover as police work, but Blair was most definitely not ever a police officer. She had been a paralegal, but that was as close to the law as she’d ever gotten.

She wrote about “making the rounds” with other Doms at Lotus. She didn’t like it, but detailed that it was necessary to get all of the information she could.

Sure, the other Doms can get me off. They all know what they’re doing. I’ve had my share of orgasms along with everyone else’s the last several months. I know several women who would trade places with me in a heartbeat to see what I’ve seenand to experience what I have. But it’s not the same. No man is the same as Him.

“Who? Goddammit, Blair. I need to know who it is so I can get in touch with him, “I said aloud to the room. Lug Nut opened one eye at me, yawned, then flopped over to his other side.

I kept reading, determined to get to the end of the diary to find out if she revealed who “he” was by the last page.

Surprisingly, the next section of pages switched into more of an inventory. She detailed Dominants and submissives, giving names, physical descriptions, and pairings along with dates of the scenes. I found all the information odd, but I did notice that she met with a Kyrios more often than others. I made note of that name and decided to go browse Olympus in the near future. I wouldn’t start asking questions on the server because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. If my sister was on an assignment for law enforcement and was engaging in BDSM scenes with this Kyrios to get information from him, then drawing attention to myself would be the worst thing I could do.

I then began to notice the details about the submissives. Names, server names, physical descriptions, phone numbers and then for some of them a “date last seen” column. If that meant what I thought it did, then I could very well be holding the reason behind why my sister was dead.

“What the fuck, B?”

I really didn’t know what to make of any of it, but I continued to read, somewhat relieved that when I turned the next page, the subject matter shifted again, lamenting the fact that she was mooning over a Dom who didn’t seem to want a relationship.

I keep thinking that if I scene with Him enough, he won’t want to be with another sub. Asit is, he meets with me more than anyone else… as several of the other girls have been quick to tell me before pouting and whining that they had never seen Him focus on one person. A couple of the girls are really encouraging, while a few are turning into jealous bitches.

It almost seemed as though Blair had been obsessed with “Him”, which surprised me again. She hadn’t seemed the type to become so hyper-focused on someone like that.

Given our history growing up, it was difficult for either one of us to express feelings. Invariably, anything we said had been turned around and used against us. We were constantly gaslighted by a woman who actually had no business being a parent. The only benefit to her giving birth to us is that we were sisters and best friends.

Blair was trying to work up the nerve to express her feelings but based on the signals she was getting from the man she was reluctant to do so just yet. She wasn’t sure what his reaction might be. I read more about how much she cared for him and how he made her feel. The way she carried on, she was like a schoolgirl in love, but she’d managed to hide it so well, I never had a clue. It bothered me more than I was willing to admit that she kept all of this to herself.

I wonder if I will ever get up enough nerve to just say how I feel. EREBUS69 made his rules very clear and catching feelings is a big one that I am truly and totally breaking.

I nearly dropped the diary. As it was, my stomach dropped to the floor and my hands began to shake. My sister had been in love with Adrian Benedict.

5.Adrian

Iforced myself to stay busy this weekend. Once or twice, I was tempted to log onto Olympus to see if Brynn was on there, but I had decided against it. There were also moments when I wanted to summon someone else to Lotus to relieve some of this built-up tension inside of me, but I didn’t want random sex with anyone. I wanted her. Karma. Brynn. I thought I could keep them separated, but I was finding that very hard to do lately.

I already found myself staring at her throughout the day, mainly when she was distracted by others and completely unaware of my roving gaze. When I would see her, my mind would be inundated with all the things I wanted to do. All I could see was Brynn tied up, yet I was the one in knots. My stomach. My thoughts. Everything was becoming so twisted, and if I didn’t pull myself together soon, it would all come unraveled.

Would that be the worst thing to happen? To lose control.

I already knew the answer to it, so there was no need to even entertain the idea further. If I needed any further confirmation, I needed to look no farther than this morning when I came to and found myself in the dog park near her house. Last night, I had gone to sleep dreaming of fucking her once again, only towake up mere feet from her. As with all the other sleepwalking instances, I never remembered anything before falling asleep.

Maybe I should just have a sample of her again. It wasn’t as if I could even remember the taste of her on my fingers anymore. I should have savored the moment longer, but I honestly thought it would happen again much sooner. As it was, the longer this went on, the less apt I was to fuck her again. At least, that was what I kept telling myself. The lies seemed to come so easily, and that gift was one that had been perfected over the years.

“You could sell snake oil to a snake oil salesman,”my father had told me after Aria’s death.“You will repeat these lies to anyone who will listen, and over time they will become truths.”

I did as he had told me to do, and I had to admit that he had a point. Any suspicion pointed at me for my twin’s murder was directed elsewhere which allowed me to finish what I needed to in Greece, then move to the United States where I had been ever since.

That wasn’t even the first lie I had told. And Aria hadn’t been the only victim either. There was an inherent evilness in my veins, and it fed the demons within me. Whenever I would try to fight them, they would always win. If I didn’t put some distance between Brynn and me, I would be putting her at risk.

I only brought her here to save her from the workplace danger she was in.

I knew that, too. Brynn had settled in at Benedict Technologies well, so maybe I should have her reassigned to another area of the company. There were plenty of other departments where she could work, but I would miss her. I knew that now, yet I still kept her around. And I would continue to do so.

I was still shaking my head when I arrived at work. I composed my features prepared to see Brynn when I stepped off the elevator. She was nowhere to be found, though. Her officeand mine were both dark as they lay empty. There was no coffee awaiting me like there was every morning. And most of all, there was no annoyingly cheerful smile of hers as she called me “Sir.”

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