“Mm hmm, keep telling yourself that.” She walked back through the kitchen and Casey looked over at me, her brow furrowed, the sparkle that had been in her eye now dulled.
Just looking at her sent my heart racing. It was more than the original attraction, the need to have her. This went deeper, and I didn’t know how to dig myself out of it.
The front door opened, the sound, and the cold air that rushed in with it, making her jump and breaking her gaze from mine. The light sweater she wore was too thin, and she rubbed her arms.
“The car’s ready. The pilot adjusted the flight plan to fit the new schedule,” Breck said. His words were like the weight of a hundred cement blocks layering on my shoulder. I wanted to tell him to leave, to force Casey to stay, to let the world burn around me just to keep her with me. Last night had left me with a taste for her I knew I could never be without, and my heart clenched at the thought.
She met my eyes again, a sadness there that I felt in my bones. It was pounding through me like bullets tearing me into pieces.
“Thanks, Breck. She’ll be out in a minute. Casey, go tell Riley goodbye.”
She nodded, and after another moment, made her way to the kitchen. Breck was gone, returning to the car, leaving me alone and thinking it was something that had never bothered me before. There was an empty feeling in my chest now, one I’d only experienced when Riley had disappeared. Only this was different, leaving me gutted and wondering if it would ever fade.
Casey returned after a few minutes, walking over to where I was still standing, too confused to move. She stopped in front of me, and I glanced up at the doorway, looking for Riley before I met Casey’s eyes again.
“It’s okay. Riley and I said our goodbyes so you and I could have our own.”
She lifted her hand to my face, her fingers draping over my cheek before I grabbed her hand, pressing it into my skin. My chest was burning, the emotions I hadn’t wanted when I started this game pummeling me.
“Mason, I?—”
I pulled her to me, stopping her words with my mouth, knowing what she was planning to say, the same words that were bouncing through my head like a ricocheting bullet ready to wrench my heart in two. “Don’t, Case,” I murmured against her lips. “We can’t.”
Our lips parted, her eyes glistening with tears. I knew she was too strong to release them. Bringing my finger to her eye, I caught one that escaped just as she swallowed the rest back. She moved from my arms, and I could see the change in her as she hardened herself to the emotion, the same way I was because there was nothing else to be done. The situation was too risky, our lives too separate, a distance there, placed by miles and her brother, that we couldn’t surmount.
She ran her hand down my chest and gave me a smile. “Goodbye, Mason.”
She planted a quick kiss on my cheek before walking past me toward the door. I didn’t turn around, knowing if I did, I would never let her go. The door shut, a car door closed, and eventually the sound of tires took her from me. I didn’t know how long I stood there, the pain ravaging me before I could toughen myself to it. Casey had lowered my defenses, shaking the foundation I’d built to shelter my emotions and remain in control.
“Why did you let her go?” Riley asked from the doorway, her eyes sad as I peered over at her.
Raising the guardrails I kept around my heart, I rolled my neck, finally moving from my spot. “Because it’s something that should never have happened.”
It hurt to say, and her expression told me she didn’t believe me. She pursed her lips as I walked past her into the kitchen to make coffee. I really wanted a stiff drink, but it wasn’t noon yet and downing shots would only confirm to her that Casey had gotten to me.
“When I’m done working out, I expect you to be dressed warmly. We’re going shooting, but not to the range.”
“Mason—”
I slammed my cup down, seeing her jump from my periphery. “Just do it, Riley.”
Leaving the coffee, I stormed past her and back to my room. I didn’t want to be around her because Riley was the only person who knew the vulnerable side of me. She was the only one who could break through my cold exterior…until Casey. And I didn’t want to be vulnerable. Weakness was an opening for my enemies and with the Bad Omens still out there waiting like hunters for their prey to show weakness, I couldn’t afford it.
I sat on the edge of the bed, ignoring the sight of the rumpled sheets and dropping my head to my hands. A dull throb was hammering in my chest, and I scraped my fingers through my hair to numb it, unsure if it could ever be numbed. But it neededto be, or I stood the chance of losing more than just Casey. My head needed to be in the game, no matter what my heart wanted.
I needed to find a distraction, something to take my mind from her. Standing, I removed the clothes I was still wearing from the prior night, the scent of her drifting past my nose as I threw them in my hamper. Changing into my workout clothes, I hit my indoor gym, taking my frustration out on the bag until my knuckles were bruised and bloody. The pain dulled the ache in my chest, helping me focus, but not enough. The treadmill took a beating as I pounded the ache away with each mile until sweat drenched me and I was ready to face the truth of the mess I’d gotten myself into. Ready to push past the memory of Casey’s touch, of the sweet taste of her, of the way her smile cracked every defense I’d built, of the way her sunny disposition grated against my cold indifference until I needed that smile, that taste, that touch like a craving I couldn’t run from, no matter how many miles I burned through.
I stopped the treadmill, catching my breath and dropping my head to the console. I was angry at myself, angry at our situation, and I invited that anger in, letting it coat everything until I could push her from my mind…except I couldn’t because what we’d shared left her permanently ingrained there.
“Fuck!” I punched the console, cracking it so badly that the lights faded.
Stomping back to my room, I called Leo, who was on duty in Breck’s absence. “Let the men know I’m taking Riley shooting on the grounds.”
“Yes, Boss.”
“And have someone buy me a new treadmill.”
“Boss?”