Page 87 of Snowman

"Bree," I whispered, swallowing hard, "this is insane. Call me selfish, but isn't it crazy to have a child? Me? As a father?"

Her eyes softened for just a moment, a single tear slipping down her cheek. "We can do this," she said quietly.

But I didn't. I couldn't.

I turned and left the bathroom, the test still clutched in my hand, and I collapsed onto the bed, burying my face in my hands.

My breath came fast, shallow. "You need to see a doctor. You need to... you need to end this."

I heard her sharp breath, and then she was storming out of the bathroom, her face wet with tears. "Are you serious right now?" she shouted. "No. Absolutely not."

"Bree." I stood, walking toward her, trying to keep my voice steady. "What if... What if something happens? What if I hurt you? Or the baby?" My hands hovered near her shoulders, unsure if I should reach for her.

She shoved my hands away. "Don't touch me!" Her voice cracked, but her anger burned through it.

"What if he or she..." I paused, my throat tightening. "What if they end up like me? What if I ruin them, Bree?" My hands finally fell onto her shoulders, desperate to make her understand. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt them."

"What if something happens to you, and I'm left alone with a baby? What kind of life could I even give them?"

Her voice wavered as she looked up at me, her eyes already shining with tears.

I pulled her closer, my arms tightening around her. "I can't even take care of myself," I said quietly. "Let alone a baby."

"But you're taking care of me," she whispered. I could feel her shaking, each sob breaking against me.

"That's different," I said.

I hated seeing her cry. It ripped something open inside me every time. But the thought of bringing a child into this mess terrified me. If it was a boy, what if he grew up like the worst men I had known? What if he hurt people, and turned into someone like Josh or Vic? And if it was a girl… God, what if the same things happened to her that happened to Bree? What if I couldn't protect her? What if she ended up with someone like me? A man too broken to love her right, someone who would turn her pain into addiction so he can enjoy.

I couldn't take that risk. It was too much. But as much as it terrified me, I knew this wasn't just my choice to make. She had a say in this too, even if it tore us apart.

For the first time, I felt a tear slip down my cheek. My voice cracked as I said, "Go to the doctor." I stepped back, my hands falling to my sides. "If you want to keep it, I'll leave. If you don't…I'll stay."

Her face crumpled, and she collapsed into me again, her sobs hitting like punches I couldn't dodge.

"Your choice," I whispered, steadying her before letting her go.

She looked at me through the tears, "I fuckinghateyou, Thor Karlsson," she sobbed.

Her words hit harder than I expected, but I didn't stop. I turned and walked toward the door, every step pulling me further from her, fromus,from everything.

"I hate you!" she screamed behind me, her voice shaking.

It cut through me, but I didn't turn back. I couldn't.

When I hit the cold air outside, I stumbled onto the snowy stairs, sinking as my breath came in gasps. I looked at my hands, at the scar across my palm. My father gave me that scar the first time he sent me alone into the woods.

"Fuck."

My hands clenched into fists.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring a child into this world, not like this. Not with all the pain I carried, not with all the things I'd seen. I couldn't risk becoming my father. I couldn't be the reason another person ended up broken.

And her…she deserved more. More than me. More than this life I couldn't give her.

I was a monster, and monsters like me didn't deserve to be fathers, but angels like her deserved every chance to be mothers.

TWENTY SEVEN

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