Page 85 of Snowman

And I did, I had all his personalities.

It wasn't funny, but I laughed.

And I know you would too—anyone would. I had a man who would kill for me, a man who would chase me with an axe, a man who would burn the world for me and melt the coldest heart formine. He was everything I could dream of, and I got all that in one man. How lucky was I?

TWENTY SIX

SNOWMAN

January, 2017

"If you continue to carry the brick from your past,

you will end up building the same house."

— Unknown.

Bree was at home.Over the past two weeks, she had grown closer to Julia, Erik's wife. For Bree, this had started to feel normal, but for me, it was anything but. None of this was normal. Watching her with their daughter, the way she smiled at that child tied knots in my stomach. It was the kind of smile thathinted at a wish she hadn't said but knew she wanted, a wish for something I couldn't give her. Something I didn't want to share.

I hated myself for that. For not being enough. For not being able to offer her the life she deserved, a life I knew she needed, a life I couldn't touch.

Now, I sat in the office, the hum of people moving through the halls, their faces blurred, expressionless, as they passed by. Today was my last day here. Isak was excited about it, of course. In just a week, he had clawed his way into the chief's chair after Jan Johansson's body turned up cold. The department called it an accident. They didn't know the truth.

They couldn't.

The moment Isak's promotion became official, I handed in my badge. No ceremony. No fanfare. Just paperwork now. I was ready to let it go.

Life has a way of stealing dreams out from under you, and there's nothing you can do about it. You just stand there, helpless, watching as the wind scatters the pieces that were never yours to reach.

Frida left yesterday. I could see in her eyes how the unanswered questions still haunted her, how close she came to uncovering the truth about the Snowman. If it hadn't been for Mel backing up my story about the badge, she would have caught me. I could feel it all tightening around me, every thread pulling back into the same relentless puzzle. But I was done. I had decided to move on.

I was 34. No plans, no future. All I knew was that I needed Bree.

THOR, 8 YEARS OLD

Today, I found out I was going to have a sister. Mom was pregnant. Erik and I were upstairs in the kitchen, playing with little boats in the sink, letting the water carry them in the circles. But downstairs, their voices rose crashing against our little game.

We tried not to listen, but the words came through the walls, impossible to ignore.

"You arenotgoing to have that child," Father said. "Get rid of it."

"But..." Mom's voice trembled. "It's a girl."

"That's exactly why!" he roared. "I can't have girls around my sons. They need strength, not her crying and whining."

"What if I don't?" she asked, and at that moment, her voice cracked. She wanted this baby. Maybe more than she wanted us.

"Then I will throw her to the pigs," he snarled. "You end it now, or I will end it later."

Erik and I didn't look at each other. We didn't speak. But even as we pretended to play, tears slid down our cheeks, silent as the little waves lapping in the sink. We wanted her, this sister we never met, never even seen. We wanted to play with her and share our toys. We wanted Mom to be happy for once, truly happy. She never was.

We heard the door slam a few minutes later. Dad left without a goodbye.

Mom climbed the stairs soon after, her steps dragging. She didn't say anything when she walked in. She just sat on the sofa, clutching a pink baby blanket in her hands, her body trembling as silent sobs shook her.

Erik and I rushed to her side, pressing ourselves against her. She wrapped her arms around us tightly, as if we might slip away too, and her cries became louder.

Between her sobs, she choked out the words that shattered everything. "We won't have a baby girl, boys."

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