Page 41 of Snowman

"Bree," she cut in, the sigh brushing me off. "We often dream of the life we want, not of the one we live." The tone of her voice softened some, though her eyes didn't. "I know how I haven't been the mother you wanted, and maybe you're just looking for something in that woman that I couldn't give you."

Love.

Love was what I had been seeking the whole time. In one second I saw more love in that woman's eyes than I had ever seen in my mother's eyes. I kept that to myself and swallowed it like a bitter pill, knowing that I had always desperately convinced myself that one day this would get better and I would feel something. Anything.

"But," I started, wanting to ask more, but her patience was already gone.

"Nobuts, Bree," she snapped, raising her voice. "I don't want to talk about crazy anymore, okay? Just drop it. Please." Her hands fell away from my shoulders as she stepped away, the touch replaced by a cold emptiness in their wake. "Just go to your room, you're upsetting me."

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I stepped toward her, wanting, needing to bridge the gap between us. I reached out, desperate for a hug, but she moved, pushing me away like I was a stranger, someone unwanted.

My vision blurred with tears as I turned and walked out of the kitchen; the sting of her rejection cut deeper than her words ever could. The hall seemed endless as I trudged toward my bedroom, my head hung low, my shoulders slumped in defeat. The quietness of the house swallowed me whole. And with each attempt I made, every time I would even try and share the least fragment of myself, I got put to silence, pushed aside, and forgotten.

I sank on the bed, the weight of the day resting on my chest. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall freely. Sleep was my only escape, a place where I could at least live the life that real life hadn't given me. My dreams, were where I could live without the suffocation of the real world. I could finally breathe.

Soon I found myself in Greece, in my dreams, falling into the arms of a woman, a mother I didn't know I had. Her arms were so warm and loving. The love I had always wanted but never had. For a time, I wasn’t alone. Someone could hold me, love me, and be loved by me.It was perfect.

Suddenly, something jarred and stopped, a hard thud awoke me. My eyes snapped open to darkness. Night had fallen. What had seemed like mere seconds of sleep had turned into hours ofsleep. I blinked dazedly, a dream of Greece gone, replaced by the harsh, cold reality of my bedroom.

I stood up quietly, my bare feet tapping lightly on the floor as I tiptoed toward the hallway. My heart pounded in my chest, and a strange unease washed over me. As I approached the kitchen, soft sounds reached my ears—low moans, muffled sounds. My throat tightened as I drew closer, each breath shallower than the last.

Then I saw them.

Mel lay sprawled across the kitchen island, her body bare, her legs spread. Dad stood behind her, his hands tugging hard on her hair as he moved against her. His face twisted in pleasure, an evil grin I'd never seen before. Their bodies moved together, their gasps and moans filling the room. Mel bit down on her palm, trying to stifle the sounds, but it wasn't enough. The sight was searing, unbearable.

I gasped, the breath escaping me before I even knew it was coming. Mel's head snapped toward mine, her eyes wide and horrified. She shoved Joe, scrambling off of the counter as panic set into her face, now.

"Bree!" she called, desperate. She ran toward me, outstretched hands and all, but I was faster. I turned and left, slamming my bedroom door behind me and locking it with trembling hands.

Inside, my heart was racing, hard, and it felt like it would tear out of my chest. I slumped against the door, my knees buckling as the image replayed in my mind. I couldn't believe what I'd seen. I didn't want to believe it.

"Bree, please!" Mel's voice came from the other side, frantic and pleading. She banged on the door. "Please, I can explain! Just let me in! Please!"

Her wails were muffled by my own silence. I pinched my arm to a sting, to wake from the nightmarelike scene, but I was not sleeping.

"Please, let me in," she begged, her voice cracking. "Bree, please."

"Go away!" I shouted, finding my voice at last. My body shaking, I pushed myself upright, but my back remained pressed against the door.

"I'll tell you everything," she sobbed. "Just let me in!"

Then I heard it, the sound of his footsteps approaching. A fresh wave of nausea rolled over me.

I hadn't thought, had only unlocked the door, yanked her inside, and slammed it shut again, locking it fast. She half-stumbled into the room, her face streaming with tears.

"What the hell, Mel?" I yelled, my voice shaking in anger and disbelief. "Are you outta your mind? What the fuck's wrong with you?"

She flinched, her hands shaking as she tried to steady herself. "It happened in Greece," she started, her voice weak, but I couldn't bear to hear it.

"No," I said, hands covering my ears. I flung myself onto the bed, curling into a ball in desperation to shut her out. "Stop. I don't want to hear it."

"He was nicer than usual," she said, dismissing me. "And I…"

"You what, Mel?" I snapped, my voice colder than ice as I whirled my back to her.

My stomach churned with the bile rising high into my throat. "That's sick. You're sick. I can barely." I faltered then, slapping a hand to my mouth, hard.

"I know," she whispered.

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