Page 50 of Truck Up

“No, I’m not.” I look at my dad like he’s crazy. “I’m not a dog that you can lock up because you don’t like my behavior. It’s best we all get some space from each other until the shock wears off.”

“The shock will never wear off,” Dad says, much softer than before. When I look at him, there are tears forming in his eyes. “I can’t have a grandbaby that’s a Mutter. This cannot come to fruition.”

I chuckle and go back to packing up my clothes. “Too late, Dad. I’m already knocked up. Christian is the father, and we’re keeping the baby. This is happening whether you like it or not.”

Chapter 10

Even the devil gets lonely.

Christian

The air smells like stale beer and wet cigarettes. It’s pungent and causes my throat to burn. But I don’t let that stop me from taking a seat at the bar and ordering a drink. My cramped shitty motel room smells worse than this dive bar. I traded the smell of piss and rotten food for a drink.

Foul smells must be part of this small Indiana town’s charm.

It’s been three days since I left Amelia alone in her car, and they’ve been the worst three days I’ve had in a very long time. The last time I felt this bad, I had just checked myself into rehab. Again.

There’s nothing worse than those first few days of coming down from a high. The cravings and subsequent withdrawals were the main thing that drove me to keep using. I loved the highs, but I hated the withdrawals even more.

The highs were temporary, but those damn cravings are for life. I’ll be ninety years old and still crave my next hit. It gets easier and less intense with time, but it doesn’t go away. That’s the life I created for myself when I became an addict.

My cravings for Amelia are no different. Why I thought leaving her would help get her out of my mind is beyond me. Atleast thoughts of her distract me from my lethal cravings. That’s a positive I suppose.

This job was supposed to distract me. Help me clear my head so I can figure out how the hell we’re supposed to move forward. It’s been one big fat epic failure.

The smell and taste of her still linger on my senses, and the way her body tightens around me when I’m buried deep inside her haunts me every waking second. It even haunts my dreams.

The only thing this trip has taught me is that I’m screwed. I don’t think it’s possible for me to live without her anymore. Not unless I want two demons constantly tugging for my affection. Amelia and drugs. What a fucking battle controlling my body!

I check the time on my phone again and wonder for the hundredth time what’s taking Edge so long. He’s been very closed-lipped about this job. The only details I know are there are multiple packages, and I’ll be driving them to Montana alone.

As soon as we pick them up, Edge will head back to Beaver, and I’ll start the long journey to some small town hidden in the Rocky Mountains of northern Montana.

It’ll be an adventure, if nothing else. Traveling isn’t something I’ve done much of in my life. I ride my bike all over Ohio, but I rarely leave the state. I’ve taken a few trips to West Virginia, Kentucky, and upstate New York. This trip to Indiana is the farthest west I’ve ever been.

As much as I want to be back home holding Amelia, I’m looking forward to seeing more of this country.

I wonder if Amelia is interested in traveling. It’d take us away from the nosy community and our feuding families. I close my eyes and imagine a life with Amelia wrapped around me on the back of my bike.

Riding the open roads.

Chasing the sunsets.

Getting lost on curvy mountain trails.

Basking in the sun on some hidden lake in the middle of nowhere.

God, that would be the life.

A life I’m doomed to never have. Amelia may think she loves me, but the day will come when she wakes up and realizes I’m not worth her love.

She’s too good for me. Forget the fact that I’m a Mutter and a sworn enemy to her family.

I’m an addict, a loser, a troublemaker.

I may crave peace in my life, but I constantly seek chaos. It’s why she calls me that sometimes.

My phone buzzes and I pick it up from the bartop.

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