Page 6 of Desirous

This bed might bewhere I spend the rest of my life. It’s comfortable, the sheets smell like that flowery fabric softener Sadie loves to use on the wash, and there’s no chance of getting hurt here. Yes, this could be the place where I live out the rest of my days.

I’ll have to arrange for food and drink to come to me, but I bet Sadie will take pity on me for a few days. After that, I may have to get out of bed, but only long enough to run to the kitchen and grab some sustenance.

And to go to the bathroom. That’s definitely something I’ll need to get out of bed for. I’m depressed, but that doesn’t mean I’m so far gone that I don’t care about cleanliness.

My roommate appears in the doorway and tilts her head like she’s getting ready to talk to a small child. I must really look pathetic if she’s acting that way after only a few days of my hiding out in here.

“Kat, do you want to get up and maybe come out to the couch? We could talk,” she says in a sweet voice.

I shake my head. “I’m good right here. These covers have accepted me as one of them, so I can’t leave now.”

“You still have your sense of humor. That’s good, at least.”

Pulling the sheet down to expose my mouth, I say, “I’ve got a joke for you. Want to hear it?”

Sadie’s face lights up. “Sure!”

“There was this woman who thought she could turn her life around. She tried out for this reality show and believed she had a chance. But that was a lie she told herself. Now she has no chance of winning the million-dollar prize, and why? Because the man she slept with and was really believing she had something special with sold her out the first chance he got. Now the woman has to go back to work humiliated, and her boss will no doubt take full advantage of that and make her life a living hell. Ha-ha! Hysterical, right?”

My friend frowns. I guess my joke wasn’t funny after all. Well, at least I’m not the only one who understands how bad things are.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Again, I shake my head. “If I say much more, I’ll start crying again, and I’m so damn tired of crying. I’d like to move out of the sadness stage and move into the one where I’m pissed and taking it out on the people who deserve it. Well, the one person who deserves it. Alex Freaking March.”

Sadie chuckles. “You know, you can say fuck here. It’s not like I can’t handle it.”

I pat the bed around my body. “The covers have delicate sensibilities. Probably from the fabric softener you used on them the last time you washed for me. Thanks for that, by the way. I didn’t realize how important that would turn out to be until the past few days.”

“You’re welcome. You sure you don’t want to come out into the living room and hang out while I eat some dinner? I have more than enough for both of us.”

I appreciate Sadie’s attempts to bring me out of my darkness, but it’s no use. This is where I belong. At least until I have to go to work tomorrow.

She begins to say something, but my phone ringing interrupts her. Rolling over, I grab it off the nightstand and glance at the screen.

Fucking Alex March.

He’s called me no less than five times in the past couple days. Less than a deranged stalker but definitely more than I would have expected from someone like him.

I hold the phone up to show Sadie. “He thinks he can just keep calling and that will make everything all better.”

“Have you spoken to him at all?” she asks, hinting that she thinks I should.

Dropping the phone onto the bed, I watch as it continues to ring. “No. Not since our final scene in the parking lot where I told him I hate him and never want to see him again. As far as I’m concerned, those are the last words I ever plan to say to him.”

When he finally gives up this time, I feel less relieved than all the other times. I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m in danger of actually answering any of his calls. He can try until the end of time. I won’t answer.

And then he calls again not a minute later, and I stare at my phone like it’s my enemy. “You’d think he’d get the hint.”

“He sounds pretty insistent. Some people might think that’s a good thing.”

I shoot Sadie a nasty look for being such a nice person. Alex March doesn’t deserve nice. “He’s probably used to getting people to do whatever he wants by whatever means necessary.He wants to charm me, but because I won’t answer his calls, he plans on trying to wear me down until I give in.”

“You aren’t ever going to speak to him again?”

Sadie and I have completely opposite ways of dealing with heartbreak. She eats a ton of ice cream, talks out her feelings until she’s better, and never denies anyone the chance to explain themselves. I think it’s madness, but it works for her.

I, on the other hand, crawl into my fluffy and flowery-smelling cave and don’t come out until I’m sure I won’t cry or until I have to because my rent doesn’t pay itself. I don’t eat. I don’t want to talk to the person who broke my heart. I just stay in bed.

---